Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table?
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Sir Cumference.
Dad Jokes
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How do you know if a joke is a dad joke?
...
When it becomes apparent.
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How does a penguin build it’s house?
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Igloos it together.
Why did the fish blush?
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Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
What did the mom tomato say to the baby tomato?
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Ketchup!
I'm not anti-social.
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I'm just not user friendly.
What do you call a pig that plays basketball?
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A ball hog.
Why are mummys scared of vacation?
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They're afraid to unwind.
What is an astronaut's favorite key on a keyboard?
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The space bar!
Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
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Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
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Sir Render.
I am such a good singer that people always ask me to sing solo
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solo that they can’t hear me.
How do you make holy water?
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You boil the hell out of it.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
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Pick a cod, any cod.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
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Wasabi!
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
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He couldn't see himself doing it.
What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
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A stable winner.
Slept like a log last night
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woke up in the fireplace.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
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A labracadabrador.
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?
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She was a roman catholic.
I went to a Foo Fighters Concert once...
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It was Everlong...