as a method, sometimes adding an unnecessary loop really works for example: if i was me, would i be upset with me for any part of anything that happened today to me because of the choices i made that i had control over? the extra loop is necessary because of the shenanigans. without the sillies without the... i am me, so reduce that by math you lose it

i am sorry for complications the complexity i am balancing a lot of things really really weird math my math

do you want to hear something subversive i can share? from today?

i wish i could share a story about how i was subversive before i returned here it is really really really small & very mild & i never will. i cannot share that. i will not model sharing things like that either. & so but i think that cascades i think so

on my way home, earlier i smiled thinking about a tv show a specific one but thats whatever using words to say it was nice to think about wanting to watch something maybe that came out of the ocean or the ocean took something that gave me space to have a wish for that like kindling like the ocean was sticks so now i had some & cos i did maybe a fire sometime

home safe

dude im about to vanessa carlton the shit out of my compatriots in traffic

checking in to say im fine just dancin in traffic

the time of saddling up

no place to bail out

collateral hostages on hostages on hostages

there is complicity: acknowledging entanglements, indebtedness. that i bought a phone off the agony of a child in a mine cos i didnt have to watch. the process has me as the one who purchased that pain enough kevin bacon degrees removed to sleep at night it is another to comply to be told: this is genocide. you will learn their names. you will watch. as one by one i annihilate them. to be told this & to say: ok. because i know how badly you can hurt me.

like cognitive behavioral therapy pavlov mk ultra shit so so so so so deep everyday is residential school & as it always boomerangs everyday is boarding school