It's the first Christmas where I am not worrying about how much tape I'm using to wrap these gifts.

To all you people who thought you wouldn't need to apply trigonometry in your real life - be glad that you don't need to wrap a volleyball as a Christmas present.

The world of Christian recording artists struggles to shoo away talentless impostors.

GET UP, DICKASS

I get it now. The men who said "your wife's always right" were talking about mental instability and breakdown of sorts. They weren't talking about right and wrong but peace.

I need to be their supporter, not their ...

Like the scent of a dying fire.

23 hour video surveillance, but we don't tell you which hour it's off.

I've been ignoring the calls of my home insurance agent.

Appearance-based societal norms are meant to differentiate between people who are and are not willing to join certain societies, or how much of a problem they will end up being when they do. Copying someone's dress is saying "I agree with you". The same principle applies to pleasantries and probably male facial hair grooming. The ladder in particular is a way of expressing mastery over the flesh. Certain people submit to exterior grooming requirements when joining or enlisting in certain organizations. This is no different. So, men, the rule is: you can have either a messy hair _or_ a messy beard, but never both.

Yes I posted a reply emoji on my own message . It's because I wrote the message, and then I read the message back to myself, and then I found it funny so I laughed at it... And I hope that you would naturally laugh at my deadpan humor, but sometimes it needs a little assistance. In real life you have body language and facial expression, like a stand-up comic. But in textual mediums you only have emojis and phrasing. (the phrasing part not so much with some of the older generations)

I've spent so much time focused on trying to be one of the sheep of God's pasture. Worrying that otherwise I would be a wolf. And I have done things that could be seen as wolflike. When finally admitting it to God, I also badgered: where is Jesus in this scenario? He's supposed to be the shepherd! Why hadn't he protected his sheep from being attacked? And through the chains of thought that followed, I then realized that wolves are not the only kind of besides sheep.

I am not the wolf; I am the sheepdog that just needs to learn how to stop taking nips.

No I'm very chalant

Surely the prodigal son story is not about my XYZ addiction.