They may not be directly abusive. They could simply be neglectful and unavailable. It doesn't even necessarily mean they are a narcissist. It also doesn't mean that it's not abuse. Neglect is abuse. It's still harmful, it just looks different than other abuse. It still hurts everyone involved!
Too many people when trying to get help, instead get shamed or judged. It’s definitely not always on purpose, but it still happens. It’s one of the hardest things about healing from toxic relationships. Actually getting help so you can heal without adding more trauma onto what you’ve already gone through. First acknowledge and address the wound. Then we can work through what we can do differently.
We often give far too much grace and compassion to everyone else including to people who give us none in return. Giving it to ourselves first is essential! Then we will have enough in ourselves to be able to give to the people who reciprocate it. Give to you, then choose who else you want to give it to.
For anyone that tells you or shows you being kind is too much work. Choose wisely if you want to keep them in your life. No matter who they are and what they mean to you. No one deserves to be mistreated and we don't have to allow them space in our lives to do so. Choose people who choose kindness!
Certainly not an easy decision to make, but having good people who have the capacity to reciprocate support is essential. If we want to grow and move forward with our lives anyway. Some people are simply not ready or willing to do the work and that's ok. It's also OK to limit how much we decide to pour into them.
There's always going to be all the things we need and want to do. It's so essential to take the time to just be there for yourself with yourself. The same way many of us take the time to be there for everyone else. We need this same care for ourselves. It allows you to recharge and reset. Then you can go back to doing the things at full capacity!
So many people are simply out of capacity for anything else in their lives. It may seem like they don't care or don't remember things. This is not the case for many people. Drama, trauma and chaos has exhausted their capacity and they don't have anything left. This does not apply to toxic people, that's a different video.
It's an education you'll never forget and one no one ever wants. The only good news with this education is if you study well you'll only need this education once. Unfortunately if we don't do the work, we will probably have to repeat it more than once. Take the time and do the work! You are worth it!
Am I the narcissist? It's definitely the most frequent question people ask me when I talk with them. Almost always the answer is NO! One of the reasons is they are asking the question of themselves. Narcissists do not usually question if they are toxic. We all have some dysfunctional behaviors, but this does not make us a narcissist. Many other things come into play for that to be true.
Toxic people are pretty aware of what they are doing or they wouldn't hide it. These are definitely not things we need to forgive them for, especially when they continue the behavior. Forgiving ourselves is essential. For not seeing right away, for staying or not standing up for ourselves. Allow you to forgive you!
It's a gift for us to be able to be there for someone else through their struggles. It can be a distraction from our own healing, which we simply need to be aware of. It can also help us through our own healing at the same time. Allow people to show up for you just as much as you show up for them!
So many people have all the thoughts about how and what we should do with our lives. Of course, then they also want to tell us these things too. Many are well meaning and some are not. It's ultimately our decision what we actually want to do with our lives. Don't ever let anyone else decide for you about your life!
Too many of us fight so hard to try to make relationships work that simply won't. Either because the other person is toxic or they have unhealed wounds. In both cases they fight against you rather than for the relationship. In these situations often all we can do is save ourselves. Don't lose yourself over a relationship!
It’s pretty simple to understand, but not as easy to deal with or actually embrace. The more we understand this, the easier it is to let more of their BS go. Even when they say it's our fault, it’s not. It’s just the way they are. Just because we understand it, still doesn’t make it easy. Go easy on yourself in the process.
Testing all your boundaries. That’s what narcissists do. They will test all your boundaries and then test them again. When they find one they can't push past, they will then begin pushing other boundaries. They simply want control over everything in your life. Everything more and nothing less. They will push boundaries until you give in, or they will eventually move on if you don’t. Hold those boundaries tight!
An upward spiral just sounds better and it really is. Taking the time to allow and to learn to recognize our thoughts and emotions is wonderful. It helps us to increase our intuition. This allows us to begin to recognize not only when things don’t feel right, but what doesn’t feel right about them. This then allows us to be able to move through these situations much quicker with much less struggle.
You've made it through everything in your life to get you here. It wasn't easy, but you made it. The path in front of you may seem scary, but you have all the skills and knowledge to help you through it that you've developed from the past. These things will also help you move into the future you truly want. Keep going. You are worth it!
Narcissists lie, gaslight, manipulate, control and abuse. It’s what they do and they don’t think anything’s wrong with it. They might be ashamed of getting caught for it, but they’ll deny it anyway. They realize it’s wrong to get caught for doing it. They don’t think it’s wrong to do it though.
Forgiving ourselves seems easy and everyone seems to talk about it like you can just go do it. It may be that simple, but it’s not that easy. It's something we allow ourselves to do. It's much more of a process and a practice though. It's not something we just do. It takes time and work. It's something everyone can do though.
We've heard about how bad our narcissist’s exes were. We begin to question how bad they actually were especially after hearing from them how bad we are. This doesn’t mean any of us are innocent, but it makes you wonder how bad their exes actually were. Was this just another projection from the narcissist? Perhaps. The other important thing to realize is that we all get to decide for ourselves our own opinion of everyone including ourselves.
