Courage is a skill just any other that we can develop. The more we develop it the more we can expand our lives to what we truly want. The opposite is also true. It's simply a choice we make everyday whether we're aware or not. Courage is what it takes to leave a narcissist and build a life you love!
Most of the things that I talk about is from personal experience or similar personal experience. I definitely learn other things and a lot from clients experience too, but I've been through most of it myself. Be kind to yourself if you feel called out. These are a reminder for me too!
This is perhaps not what you would think of when talking about double standards. It is actually a double standard that we probably don't want to talk about. It's only OK if and when these things are true?! So many of us probably feel called out on this one. I think the most important thing is to be aware that it is a double standard. Not necessarily that we need to judge it one way or another. Although be careful of judging others for something many people do themselves.
It's not easy to not react when they know every single thing they can do to push our buttons. Learning to not react is a process and a practice. We can get better at it. We can also become more stable in our emotions. It's not easy and it takes work, but it’s something anyone can do.
I realize most people are just trying to be helpful when they say, “Just don’t let them get to you”. Most often, it’s just not helpful. When we can do that, we do. The rest of the time the most important thing is to not beat ourselves up for them getting to us. And when we do beat ourselves up for it. To then be kind and have compassion for ourselves for that too!
Relationships are confusing sometimes. If you leave every conversation with someone feeling confused and like you are the only problem, there's probably a bigger problem going on. They may be projecting everything onto you and that's not ok! Own what's yours, not what's theirs. We're never the only problem!
Narcissists blame us for everything, especially when we “piss them off”. Often times this is because we didn’t listen to them in the way they wanted or do exactly what they told us to do in the way they wanted it done.
We also end up often apologizing to them for something we don’t owe an apology for. In fact, they usually owe us an apology for the way they acted.
It’s completely reasonable to apologize for things we do, not for something they did.
Everything for them and nothing for you. They get to take everything and complain about everything and you'd better not say anything about anything other than how wonderful they are and how lucky you are to have them. This is all a lie and complete BS! We don't have to live with live with or deal with this!
We unfortunately lose too many people through and after toxic relationships. Some are good people who simply don't understand. Some are people unwilling to even have a conversation or gain understanding and simply cut us off. Those people are not worth the attempt at a conversation. They decided without even a word from us. Let them go!
Life is busy and many times we don't take time for ourselves amidst the chaos of daily life. It's essential for us to do though. To ground and center ourselves or even to catch our breath. The breaks are just as essential as everything else we do in our lives. Take a moment, make the time for you!
Shout out to the wonderful people who made our Christmas party happen! I don't wear sweaters and don't really like them, but I decided to get one and try a new experience. Definitely felt awkward, but I kind of like it, other than being hot.🥵 The drink pocket is a bonus I like.😜 This was well out of my comfort zone and sharing me in a sweater online even more so. Here we are though. 🤷♂️ Hope everyone else is finding fun and community and stepping out of their comfort zone in ways they want to as well.
So many people say that everything happens for a reason as a way to try to justify or make people feel better. This almost never works and it's never really helpful. I don't believe everything happens for a reason. I do believe that we can make meaning out of everything that does happen though.
It's not easy to heal and get better and move forward with your life while stuck with a narcissist. It is possible though and it's definitely better than not trying. It will help every area of your life. It will also make it easier to leave if and when you are ready to.
Toxic people will blame and shame you for doing anything for you including finding or creating safety from them. It feels like we're betraying them when we do this. This is not betrayal. They betrayed us when we had to find safety away from them. Choose yourself and find the support you need and deserve!
Toxic people are after our emotional reaction. This allows them to perpetuate and create more chaos. They want this because it makes it easier to control us. The less we react, the less control they have and the more we take our power back. It's not easy and we'll still react sometimes. Be kind to you when you do and try again.
Toxic people will try to convince you that you are unreasonable and demanding for asking for basic human decency. This is a lie. We will never truly get the things we need from toxic people. We can learn to give these things to ourselves though. This is what we actually need and it's the path forward to the life and love we want.
Toxic people think we are stupid, or at least they want to control us. If they can make us think we are stupid, than they can control us even more. They are after control and power. You aren't stupid even if you've been in relationships with them. We don't have to play their games. We can choose ourselves and that is highly intelligent!
Toxic people train and program us that we can't ever talk to anyone else about much of anything in our lives. This is another way they isolate us. It feels like we are betraying them when we reach out for help and support. This is not true! We are simply choosing ourselves and our health. They betrayed us when they gave us no other choice!
So many of us pour so much love into everyone else, but have not yet learned how to show up and give ourselves that same love. This means you have the skills and the heart. We just get to learn how to start giving to ourselves first. It's literally a new skill for many of us. It feels uncomfortable and it's not easy, but it's worth it!
There will always be challenges and issues in relationships and in life. How we treat each other through all the challenges is the most important thing. How and if we repair the relationship if we don't respond well is essential for a healthy relationship. These things matter much more than the issues.
