There will always be challenges and issues in relationships and in life. How we treat each other through all the challenges is the most important thing. How and if we repair the relationship if we don't respond well is essential for a healthy relationship. These things matter much more than the issues.
Sometimes saving ourselves is the best we can do. We can't fix or save anyone else and if they're holding us back from being healthy, it's probably time to leave. You and everyone else around you, deserve for you to be healthy. Do the work and let everything else go and embrace the life you want!
Getting out of toxic relationships and healing looks very different for every single person. It's a roller coaster and sometimes it's exciting and sometimes we get thrown out. Awareness and being kind to yourself are essential pieces to moving forward with your life. Comparison doesn't help. Just keep moving forward.
We don't need to forgive anyone else for us to heal and move forward with our lives. Forgiving ourselves is essential though. It's very hard to truly love ourselves when we haven't forgiven ourselves. Do the work to forgive yourself first. If you forgive anyone else consider it a bonus.
We often think if we did a little more they wouldn't treat us this way or they wouldn't do that. This simply isn't true especially with toxic people. They show us over time they are unwilling or incapable. Accepting this is the hard part. We must choose ourselves and our own peace. This is the only real way forward for us!
So many people want to tell us we shouldn't feel the way we do, or should feel a certain way. No one actually knows how we feel. It's also not helpful for them to tell us this. We're the only ones who know how we feel. We get to feel just as we do. Then we get to work through that if and when we choose to.
It often feels like cheating when we start to look for help or understanding. Even talking to anyone else about relationship issues feels this way, especially when we're being abused. It's not cheating to get help and support for ourselves. It's finally choosing yourself and your own health.
It's normal for us to have what seems like an overwhelming amount of thoughts and emotions, especially after toxic relationships. The problem is when our minds think it's a problem and then we beat ourselves up for it. Allow yourself all the space and time you need to allow and process the emotions and thoughts. This is a part of healing.
It's most always the accumulation of so many little things in abusive relationships that create so much havoc in our lives. We are always off balance and can't seem to regain our ground. What's worse is most often it doesn't make much or any sense until we're out of the relationship if ever. That's why healing is so hard and time consuming.
It's hard to watch other people struggling while knowing we can help them. The only thing we can really do is show up and support them if they want to change for themselves. We can't actually do anything to get them to change. They must do that themselves. We can't save them, they must save themselves!
Toxic people don't want to talk about anything in their relationships, unless it's how great they are.🤦♂️ They also don't want anyone else talking about it either. They will rage, shame, gaslight and abuse you even more if you ever do. It doesn't matter if it's your experience. They simply don't care about anyone other than themselves.
We beat ourselves up for ruminating on the thoughts, or not being able to not stop thinking about it. We've already gone through enough. What we need is kindness for ourselves. The best way to release them is to make sense of them in a way that makes sense to your mind. Allow yourself compassion while you learn to release those thoughts.
It's often in retrospect that we realize how accurate our instincts are. It's also something we can become more aware of in the moment. First learning to listen to and then to trust our instincts. This is one of the major pieces to removing and not allowing their poison in our lives.
Toxic people will push all of our boundaries to try to get us to react. Then they'll use our reaction against us in every way they can. Shaming, judging and beating ourselves up will not help us to react less. It only perpetuates the abuse. Be kind with yourself as you learn and practice not reacting.
Toxic people will continually expect and demand more from us and shame and judge us to get it. They do want more from us, but what they really want is complete control over us and our lives. We don't have to participate in their games. We can take the control back in our lives. Do the work, you are worth it!
So many well meaning and often good people offer advice and suggestions that are not helpful at best and often harmful. Allow yourself the time and space you need and allow yourself to go through your process of healing in your own way and in your time. Tell them it's not helpful if needed. Most of all, be kind to you through the process.
So many of us feel completely spent after going through an abusive relationship. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to go through it. This same strength is still inside of you and it is more than enough to heal yourself from what you went through! Take the time, do the work. You are worth it!
Narcissists not only work to control everything, but we also end up giving up some of the control to try to keep the peace. This usually isn't something we consciously do, but it happens. Even after we get away from them we often still look for permission to do the things we want. This is another reason doing the work to heal is so important. It helps us to regain control over ourselves and our lives. We must consciously do this work. We rarely accidentally regain control in our lives.
Toxic people will love bomb and then blame you for everything in relationships. This is the way they are. When they move onto someone else, they'll do the same thing. It's never about us. It's their inability to own anything in their life. We can own our part, but never theirs! Do the work to heal and release them and their blame from your life.
Everything is going to be scary especially in or after toxic relationships. It's the fear that holds us back from everything in our lives. It will still be scary, but we get to live our lives when we work through or push through the fear. None of this is easy, but it's much better than staying stuck in our lives.
