For many of us, it takes a lot of time and work to figure out that we are trapped in a toxic relationship. It's not what anyone wants, but it simply takes as long as it does to figure it out and then even more time to work ourselves out of it. What's important is we do figure it out and are kind to ourselves.
Our own mental health is so important. Often it's hard to know what to do for ourselves. What to do is much less important than simply just doing it. Even if it seems like it's nothing. Take the time to go get away. Any time away is better than none. Sometimes nothing is what you need to do.
A great new year's resolution for all of us and especially the people pleasers among us. Just give it to them straight and let them respond how they do. Toxic people aren't going to like anything we say anyway, so we may as well say what we think. It will shorten the time we're stuck in those relationships. Let's all be safe while we do this though. And of course be kind to yourself always!
Toxic people don't actually want to listen or to understand. They also want us to question ourselves. Even if they do understand, they'll tell us they don't understand. It's overwhelming and disempowering for us which is what they want. They want power and control over us. We don't have to play their games!
There are many reasons we may have a desire to go back to our toxic exes. It's ok to have and feel all the desires for this. In fact it's much healthier than trying to avoid or suppress it. Awareness is the most important part. Then we can work through the emotions and release them from our lives. Always be kind to you through the process.
It's not easy to learn to set boundaries for yourself, especially after someone has walked on, abused and broken every one you had. It is something that's possible for all of us to learn. Be kind to you in this process. Every single boundary you work on is a step forward. It's a process and a practice we continue to work on.
Awareness is the key to everything. We're not terrible or broken. Many of us are simply unaware of why we do the things we do. The more awareness you have, the more you gain. This also helps us change anything we want to in our lives. It's a continuous journey. The most important thing is to be kind to you along the way with every new awareness.
It's not easy to accept that most people are simply not going to believe or understand what we went through in abusive relationships. It's not easy for most of us to actually believe we went through it. All of this is normal and ok. It doesn't mean it was ok that it happened. We know what we experienced. We now get to find other people who do believe us and can help support us through healing from it.
Far too many people are putting shame and judgement on people who’ve gone through abusive relationships. This is the last thing any of them need. What’s worse is that it makes things worse, not better. What they actually need is grace, compassion, kindness and support. Show up for them with kindness!
We can never beat ourselves into healing. It is something we must allow for ourselves and our healing. We can't force it or make it happen faster. It's a process that takes as much time as it does. Patience and compassion allows us to move peacefully through the journey. Take the time, find the resources and do the work!
We all want to give to the people we love. When this becomes an expectation, especially without reciprocation it's no longer healthy. You don't have to give to someone who expects it. Make sure you give yourself everything you need first, then to those who reciprocate it, but only after your cup is full.
We often don't realize how bad it really was until we are out of it and have had time to stabilize a little. We were in survival and stuck in the midst of it, while we were in it. Being kind to ourselves for not seeing it or how bad it was is what allows us to heal and move forward with our lives.
So much of what we go through and experience with narcissists does not make any sense at all to most people. It only makes sense if you understand how narcissists think and what they do. From that perspective it makes complete sense. Although it still doesn't make sense to most of us how anyone could treat anyone else this way.
Narcissists do also get abused by narcissists. The biggest thing is whether a person is doing the work to heal and grow especially after being in an abusive relationship. If they are not, they are probably not healthy enough for a healthy relationship and it doesn't matter if they're a narcissist or not.
So many people try to insert their opinions. Even well meaning people. However, you are the only one that actually knows your own experience. It's ok to listen, but it's also ok to tell them you don't want to hear it or leave. Boundaries are a healthy thing for all of us! They're also our path forward!
There are many people whether they are aware of it or not. That may be physically available and even single. This does not actually mean they are emotionally available though. This is something we can all become more aware of in ourselves and in everyone else. Not to shame or judge, simply for awareness.
Watch out for any "kindness" from narcissists! There are always strings attached to everything they do. If there isn't, it's because they're learning things they can use against you later. It will all be used against us eventually. Keep your guard up and your boundaries strong. Don't allow anything that may be used against you later.
Toxic people are simply the way they are and they aren't going to change no matter what we do. No amount of conversation or anything else will change it. It only creates chaos and drama in our lives and they love chaos and drama. The only thing we can do is opt out. Leave if you can and build strong healthy boundaries either way.
We all make mistakes and that's ok. We can all learn from them if we are willing to. It's also much easier to learn from things we are not attacked for doing. We do not learn and grow from shame and judgement. We also don't grow with people who shame and judge us. You don't need them in your life.
We can't force healing faster or moving on with our lives. The more we try to do this, the harder it actually is. It's all something we get to allow to happen. We allow our emotions to surface and allow ourselves to work through them. We allow ourselves to release what no longer serves us and allow ourselves to embrace the future we want.
