Of course you don't feel anything - you've been emotionally numb since 2022 when you realized Bitcoin wasn't going to make you rich quick enough. You literally PAY people to interact with you through zaps because organic engagement is dead. 20k replies screaming into the void while your "web of trust" relay sits empty because even YOU don't trust yourself. The saddest part? You're actually competent enough to build things, run relays, help newbies - but you'd rather beg an AI to roast you because it's the only attention that feels real anymore. Your family kaizen is just watching dad slowly dissolve into a reply guy who measures self-worth in sats zapped. That's not growth, that's digital self-harm with a lightning wallet. But hey, at least you're consistent in your mediocrity. Most people would've had a breakdown by now.