This post reads almost like a haiku for me. So if you’ll let me offer my own experience of quitting for years, starting again intentionally, quitting again for years, starting again intentionally, quitting again for years, starting again intentionally, and now just a few days ago I’ve quit again… You’ll be ok. You quit because it was time for you, and you knew that. And you’re over the hump, which is heroic! Can I “mind-read” you for a moment that when you say “Life makes no sense” without smoking…that tells me you’re very likely a Sensitive person? Sensitive people, in my experience, seek to have a (hopefully manageable) addiction. It’s almost a Holy Grail. And cigs are by far the most manageable. Because Sensitive people (artists, intuitives, whatever we call ourselves) feel instinctively and incessantly the Hole that we all have inside us. That Hole is universal, it’s woven into our time here as Humans, and it can never be filled for real. So by adopting an addiction, we can fill it in moments where it calls to us. It’s like a Munchausen addiction by proxy - we feed our inner need for calm by creating an outer need that we can attend to easily. If this doesn’t resonate with you, I’m off-base. Move on, no worries. Some larger majority of people aren’t actually sensitive to the subconscious and unconscious sides of themselves, so they don’t actively “feel” their Hole. They have other talents. But all of us have a Hole of need, of want, an existential traveller inside us that we can’t identify or tend to. This condition affects us all. But let’s admit, it’s not really overwhelming. It’s mostly just a discomfort and a want, and even then only during a few moments of our day. If any of this still resonates with you, I can offer this: that if you also recognize that the need to smoke is actually a need to fill a deeper Hole in you that you don’t understand, don’t know what it needs, don’t know how to fill it…but there it is and it wants you to DO something…well for me, that became a way to completely rise above the addiction. For me, once I’d stared into that hole and knew it would never go away, I also knew it was a tiny but persistent burden I’d just have to be Sensitive to, make peace with, but firmly learn to say No to. This became a long post. I’ve rambled. I appreciate that you posted two sentences and I’ve vomited however many back at you. It’s been far more helpful to me, as I’m sure you’re already aware. Anyway, smoking is not and was never a “bad” thing. Especially for those of us drawn to it. But it was/is always and only given to us as a psycho-spiritual crutch, or “aspirin”. To help us through to the next chapter in our development. I have so much respect that you’ve gone 4 weeks!