I recognize much of what you say. I was far enough separated from normal that I could conclude nobody I knew would ever really understand me for my choices. I only became better at explaining myself much later. First time my ego went out the window was when I quit university because I saw what it wanted me to become, I did the only thing I could think of and started out as a carpenter. When I had to tell people what I did I had to tell myself I had nothing to prove, over and over. Apparently I had confused my identity to be academic, and had a hard time being thought of as a dumb worker. It took some time before I realized my judgement of blue collar was actually even dumber than my false appraisal of myself.