That said, all bitcoin analogies suck because it is unlike anything we've ever known.
Bitcoin is only like a battery the same way money is like a battery. The same way bitcoin is like many things, but it isn't. Because it's better at all of them.
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I agree with all of this. Except the battery part.
Bitcoin is like a Peer-to-Peer Electronic Cash System, except with custodians and KYC.