I thought I only use paid relays.. except for the damus one. Hmm I've reduced my relays to 4 and 3 of which are paid.. could be wrong. I think my problem really is that how do we tell for sure we are engaging with an AI or a real person. What are some markers?

It will get harder and harder but currently you can mostly tell by checking their replies. Try the Azzamo relay: wss://nostr.azzamo.net

bots love the damus relay cause its free and lots of people to annoy on there..