"you must view yourself as an instrument of the Divine, despite the urge not to."
I hadn’t thought much about faith until I was 12. At 12 I became an atheist and didn’t believe in anything non-material. I stayed an atheist until I was 21. Those nine years were the worst of my life. I was depressed and life felt meaningless. I kept thinking about suicide.
When I was 21 I started to believe for many reasons. One big reason was that I envied people of faith. I read in a piece about Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan’s death where someone wrote that he had been reunited with the ones he loved most; Allah, Muhammad and Ali. I would disappear and be gone, while he would be with them forever. I saw people owerflowing out of the mosque for Friday prayer. They had Allah to turn to and I felt completely alone.
Over time I grew more devout and my life began to have meaning. I started to notice the beautiful things life had given me and to thank the Divine. When I felt helpless there was someone I could turn to. Seeing myself as an instrument of the Divine made life bearable. I’m very happy. Thank Allah that I returned to the Haqq (truth).
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