some clients use their own relays lists. some clients use your relay lists. and some clients have migrated to a new type of relay list that uses outbox and inbox style relays. it's a bit confusing. you should be able to enter a TOR relay, but again this is probably client specific. it's possible not all clients allow for TOR. deletes should just work, depending if your relay supports them. but remember with deletes, you're not just deleting off of your own personal relay, you'd need to delete off of potentially thousands of relays, which is somewhat impossible. i'd say you could delete off of 99.99% though. what relay software are you using on your Start9? what's the application called? isn't it the nostr-rs-relay? relays do not gossip to one another. it's kind of a bad name for them to be honest. they do not in fact relay to one another. never have. now, some relays DO actually have a similar function. such as the blastr relay software. it blasts or sends your notes send to it to other relays. the vast majority of relays do not do this. i recommend running the #haven relay. it's fairly easy and can be ran in a set it and forget it mode. it uses outbox/inbox and allows for deletes which can be done through your client if your client supports them.