16 November 2024 - as for me and how i am doing (i know, you don't care and secretly hate i'm doing good and like it when i am doing bad), all that's left is the #painbody all praise is due to God. It is a very strange feeling when my internal state is at peace, content and well-being yet they've blasted me with directed energy so i've got radiation sickness or they invoke anger even though i am **content within myself**. There is literally a dissociation that is making clear there is an outside force and not an internal origin of the said feeling, sensation, pain etc. Present moment awareness is literally like a fire feeding off itself now like an Ouroboros, a sort of internal alchemy. I cannot say my consciousness is showing up in my external life circumstances. It isn't and i don't know why. I always thought and have read that our situation today is because of our consciousness or lack thereof yesterday, but practicing presence 12 years i cannot say that is true. My suspicion is that, that may be true for non-Muslims who have no portion of the Hereafter and so get their reward in this world in full whereas Muslims have a hope in the Hereafter and Allah looks to the Hereafter and not this world for us. That's my rationalisation. It's an opinion. I am more often wrong than not.