What I decided to do with chorus is that the inbox events are visible only to the people that the relay serves, which in my case is only 3 people, and the event's author.... until I actively approve them for public view. This prevents illegal content from being disseminated from my relay (even if it might arrive and get stored). The downside is that some people watching the conversation don't see the conversation in real time (if they however follow the stranger, they will see it from the stranger's relay). Sometimes I may go many days without moderating events on the relay, I've been pretty lax about it.
