I don't see any DM relays listed when I look at yours in Amethyst. Maybe you need to add one? In Damus, you should be able to add a DM relay, like auth.nostr1.com
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This is a quick lil 5 min video that might help break it down for you! 🫂💜
my orly relay https://next.orly.dev/ is a good pick for a personal DM relay because you can assign your npub as admin, and it automatically whitelists all your follows, and additionally, there is a spider that you can enable which searches all your follows for relay lists and uses all of them. i forget how many subscriptions it opens, probably as many as relays can be found, and the events are instantly imported when they appear on other relays.
plus, the most important thing, is that the relay doesn't send out your DMs to anyone who asks except if they auth and their pubkey appears in your DM's tags. idk how this works with giftwraps, since they only reference the recipient but anyhow... i will start to get cranky if i write any more about that subject.
It's the old DMs... will need something like the iOS 0xchat or Flotilla app to send/recieve nip17, too