I fed the animals hay the same time I usually do this morning, right around 6:30. The only difference is I lit the fire after I fed them. It's my day off. I can do that. On the days I deliver mail the fire comes before feeding hay.
I would say throughout my adult life -- close to 30 years now if adulthood starts at 25, which seems to be the consensus -- the collapse of our way of life has been at the forefront of my mind.
To put it another way, the breakdown of civilization.
It feels like it has been breaking down for my entire life, 51 years now.
It wasn't until living with my grandparents did it really start to weigh on me though. I moved in with them a month before I turned 18.
At that time in my life I wanted to start over. I was in trouble with the law in my hometown. All of it related to drinking and driving violations.
My Grandpa, shortly after I moved in, said with a chuckle that what I did reminded him of a song: "I Fought the Law and The Law Won."
He didn't seem to think it was that big of deal. I assume he'd found trouble a number of times in his life by then.
Grandparents in general have a different eye for things it seems. They have the ability to connect with their kid's kids at a different level. It's archetypal, so I've read.
My Grandpa, looking back, had his own way of dealing with the breakdown of civilization, or the chaos and change he was experiencing.
He blamed a group of people. And I hated it. I resisted it the whole time I lived with him and afterwards.
I listen to political podcasts almost all day long when I deliver mail. I hear the same sentiment, just dressed in different clothes. It's the republicans, democrats, christians, whites, immigrants, muslims, Jews, billionaires, bums, technocrats, men, women, and the list goes on.
Annie and I were talking about this yesterday. And I wondered if the anger, rage, and blame stems from the giant herds of buffalo being gone. It doesn't necessarily have to be the buffalo, it can be any nonhuman we knew existed but have been wiped out or severely knocked back.
That's it for now. I'm working on finding some solid ground amidst what seems to be the ever increasing social, political, economic, and environmental chaos.
Morning fire 37
11.17.25
