Every time a guy flirts with me, my friend can’t help herself... she has to swoop in and take over. It’s like a compulsion. Even though she’s in a relationship, she’ll start flirting back immediately, as if she needs to reassert dominance in the room.
When I told her I hooked up with our mutual friend James, she couldn’t just let that sit. She started dirty texting him and later told him to his face that he was “the one that got away.” Then, when her own roommate showed interest in me, and wanted something physical, she suddenly decided *he* was the one she “should’ve fucked” in the past. She openly flirted with him — right in front of me — and even said, “I always want what I can’t have.”
She talks a big game about being “that bitch”, that is to say, that bitch that will fuck you and ruin you without batting and eye... and now claims she wants an open relationship with her boyfriend, but only for herself. She wants the freedom to sleep with whoever she wants, while keeping her boyfriend loyal... Over worked, in debt, and sexless. It’s not about love, or even attraction at this point, with him. It’s about validation, control, and ego.
From my perspective, it’s not just that she actually wants these men-- it’s that she wants to win some imaginary competition. The moment I become the object of someone’s interest, she sees it as a threat to her sense of superiority. She feeds on the attention, on being the center of desire, as if every flirtation is proof of her worth.
It’s performative confidence masking insecurity. Her attitude is more about self-preservation than empowerment... a way to convince herself she’s untouchable while she’s actually terrified of being lesser and not an option.
At this point, it has become obvious it’s not about me or them necessarily, it’s her need to be desired at all times, control, and feeling superior. And the funny part? The moment I stop reacting or playing into it, she loses her grip. Because without the competition, there’s no stage left for her performance. If I don't give her the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me and counter it by creating cracks in her illusion, she shuts up and gets really tired. I just kill her dopamine boost mid go.
Psychologically, what’s going on with her is pretty transparent once you strip away the theatrics. She operates from a place of ego insecurity masked as confidence. The flirting, the one-upmanship, the need to “steal the show”, as it were, it’s all about control of perception. She measures her worth through how desired she appears in contrast to others, especially other women she subconsciously sees as competition.
Her behavior points toward a mix of narcissistic validation-seeking and attachment anxiety. When someone flirts with me, it triggers a quiet panic in her... a sense that her status as the alpha is being challenged. So she reclaims it by diverting the man’s attention. It’s not sexual attraction; it’s psychological territory-marking. The reason I say it's not sexual attraction, is because a man can be ugly as sin and she'll still crave the attention... However, a man can look good and if he's interested in me and she cannot contact him, he automatically becomes ugly. She will try to tear him down and laugh in my face. She doesn't want me to feel desirable, or even good about my options because it will hurt her ego.
And that's really the kicker. She hopes I stay alone and miserable. The only time she pushes me towards a guy, is if she already has some control over him.
So, no... I will not ever bring a love interest around her. Our friendship is basically at it's end.