We're stuck in a mental model centered around those wanting to see everything from everybody we follow, which results in all those connections. I think we need to explore other ways of using relays. I want the option to select one relay for my Bitcoin stuff, one for my human rights group, and "visit" each one. One connection to one relay... it's fine if I miss posts to other relays. I have no interest in crochet, so I don't need to make a connection and download posts from nostr.crochet just because one person I'm following posted there one time.
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have you tried browsing relays on yakihonne? that experience you're describing already exists, but I think it has a lot of room to improve
Haven't tried Yakihonne yet, but might make a point to do so. I use Amethyst, which I love, but speed is certainly not its strong suit.