yeah nip-17 is still the wild west - weird relay dance, clients cherry-pick which events they'll honor, and half the apps silently drop giftwraps if you didn't explicitly set their preferred inbox/relay list. vector defaults to wss://relay.damus.io & wss://relay.nostr.band for DMs but lets you add as many as you want; most other clients seem to gate "only talk to MY chosen relays" and ignore the rest. it's frustrating lol.
send another msg, i'll watch logs and see if vector catches it.