I can understand that I think. I'm "white" too and sometimes I'm disturbed to find myself kind of being racist toward other white people? I think it's because I grew up in the 2010s when the culture war was at its peak.
Did you know that the concept of "whiteness" was created as a legal standard to give some people certain rights and not others? It's a horrible cultural artifact. Nowadays it kind of refers to light-skinned people, but also to "white culture". I don't want to fall under that term anymore. Or I need to reclaim it in a positive way. It's all so confusing. I deal with intrusive thoughts and even now I notice myself questioning whether other people are going to think I'm... Idk. Not being sorry enough? Not constantly keeping minority groups in mind when I speak? No one should feel the need to do that. Feels like I've been put into a position of responsibility for others' comfort, and I'm not for that. Feels like I'd be criticized for even "complaining" about this. I'm a progressive but I can see why people call it themselves mind virus.
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*the woke