Fact: Jim Rome will never appear to finish a sentence.

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Want a blue roof? We can do that.

Did you know? We have a shoe shine service for running shoes.

I think it’s time to kill our entire product line and go to an all battery operated garage door opener model. This will let us rebrand with the suffix -ify (ie the original genuine garage doorify) which will clearly attract a million customers bc of the cool new -ify name. It will seem entirely original. Unfortunately nobody will really know that it will read as -ify (but we’ll pronounce it -iffy because it will be iffy).

USAID may have funded a cat park. It was an equality initiative. Animals deserve their publicly funded spaces too.

We will be launching our latest clothing brand this coming week. It will be called “Outlaw Hoodies.” It will appear to be a hoodie that best suits the needs of an outlaw. However, it will actually be a cryptic advertising campaign for the outright ban (outlaw) of any sweater-like article with an incorporated hood.

Expecially.

I can’t wait for the Labor Day mattress sales!

I played the best role of my life today. Nope, that’s tomorrow. Actually, it was yesterday.

Deep Thought: Bad things would happen a lot less often if humanity would just stop using Swiss Cheese in complex system environments.

Polar fracking is going to bring about a zombie apocalypse.

It’s a New Year. Happy 2024!