Someone should start an uber-like service just with pick up trucks to help
move beds or pick up big packages.
-yestopoopjokes, Aug 2016
ShowerThoughts
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About 30 years ago, President Nixon was almost impeached for wire tapping one
building. Today, the U.S. Government (including the President) can record data
from all our phones
-Musicaltheaterguy, May 2015
If i owned a taser I'd probably get curious to see how it feels and taser
myself and that's why i dont own a taser.
-Cock_Vomit, Mar 2016
To announce who the new Batman was they should have released an image of the
actor in costume then have people work out who he is from the face to see if
Batman's disguise is good enough.
-do0_, Jul 2015
My child will likely never know the reflex when a song ends to automatically
'hear' the next song start playing in his head... some people reading this
here probably don't even know what I'm talking about.
-therealfarmerjoe, Apr 2015
According to a study, when you begin a sentence with "according to a study,"
people will believe anything you say.
-Ragnar_Targaryen, Jun 2015
Pregnancy is a sexually transmitted disease, caused by an agressive
single-celled microorganism, feeding upon the host and causing rapid
cell-growth
-chrowbech, Dec 2014
If a zombie outbreak happened on Halloween, the resulting post apocalyptic
world would be much more visually interesting.
-Wasabi_Nasal_Spray, Oct 2015
Kids growing up now will regard the pre-internet era as some kind of
unimaginable dark age
-earlyamerican, Mar 2015
Microwave ovens need a 'Midnight Snack' button that disables the dings and
beeps.
-himejirocks, Jun 2016
I see the Google logo everyday, but I don't know which letter is which color.
-[deleted], Dec 2014
If a human sperm cell contains 37.5 megabytes of data, and I have 215 million
sperm cells, then I have an 8 petabyte ballsack.
-mcc5159, Apr 2015
An option on Netflix to watch the trailer of the movie would help out on
deciding what to watch
-iJustObserve, Oct 2014
Maybe Flavour Flav wore a clock around his neck so the media couldn't edit his
interviews out of order, so the context is preserved.
-jai_kasavin, Jan 2016
The last ten squares on the toilet roll should have "This is NOT enough for
the next person!" printed on them
-isaidthisinstead, May 2016
Thanks to computers, my handwriting is the same as when I was in 2nd grade.
-onetwentyeightbpm, May 2016
The United States now has several territories paying taxes without receiving
federal representation - exactly the reason we rebelled against England.
-TheyCallMeBrewKid, Jan 2016
I've always wanted to be able to hear English and not understand it.
-voltox3, Mar 2016
The swimming pool in the Titanic is still full.
-Ashe225, May 2015
There should be a Rotten Tomatoes type site that rates critics instead of
films so we know whose opinions to completely ignore.
-Phister_BeHole, Jan 2015