If Homer Simpson were a Democratic congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he'd be
"Homer Simpson (D-OH)".
-Nulono, Dec 2013
ShowerThoughts
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If you wanted to be incognito by choosing the most common first and last name
in the world, you'd really stand out, Mohamed Wang.
-science_andshit, May 2016
The older I get the more I envy Homer Simpson. He owns a 4bd house, has a
loving and supportive wife, and job security.
-Zeyn1, Jan 2016
The mullet was probably created to stop red necks.
-t33po, May 2016
It is quite weird when an entire boy band sings a love song about one girl.
-danielstegeman, Apr 2016
Because not everyone has a penis, I have an above average number of penises.
-Yanmega, Dec 2014
If the average penis size is 5.5 inches and there are about 3 billion men on
Earth, then we have enough penis to get to the Moon.
-ReadMyNips, May 2015
I'm so old, my handheld games were filled with water :-/
-danny_the_car_wiper, Sep 2015
We are the first generation where turning something off and on again fixes the
problem because we are the first generation where most problems aren't
mechanical. That's why older generations are always so amazed when we fix
things, it used to take a lot of skill to fix things.
-neuroeng, Mar 2016
I wonder how many times I ate eggs that came from a chicken I ate
-tonito23, May 2014
There should be an app that, if you a cross a state or national border, tells
you what laws are different when you cross.
-Varryl, Aug 2014
I don't understand the human race. People eat each other's assholes, but won't
eat the end piece of bread in a bag
-MattyMcdaddy, Aug 2014
I would totally buy a toilet seat with a scale in it so I could see how much
weight I lost every time I pooped...
-The_Beer_Engineer, Jan 2016
If you wake up in the morning it is called "morning wood". If you wake up at
night it should be called a "night stick"
-JBSLB, Jun 2015
Taking medicine when you're sick is essentially your body electing to hire
mercenaries to fight the war for you.
-Trinate3618, Jan 2016
What if people staring at you are time tourists who came back in time to see
you because in the future you're famous?
-Werben1agerman1ensen, Oct 2015
Mitch Hedberg was the king of shower thoughts
-algebraicdomination, Feb 2014
One morning I'll wake up,open Reddit and find out my country is at war
-givemefooddragon, Jan 2016
I know more about WWII, which happened 50 years before I was born, than I do
about the war Iraq War, which happened while I was alive
-joeykip, Mar 2015
I'm so glad I live in a country where my first reaction to loud bangs is "Some
kids with fireworks" and not "some maniac with a gun"
-GaiusSherlockCaesar, Aug 2015