As a kid, I thought people used "grow up" to mean "be tough enough and brave
enough to stand up to the world's bullshit", as an adult I realize people
actually used the phrase to mean "be jaded enough to resign yourself to the
world's bullshit without complaining".
-[deleted], May 2016
I have now gone from seeing a group of people at 3am and thinking, "Great
another drug trade" to "Great another Pokemon Go group."
-IAmTilted, Jul 2016
It must be difficult for someone named "Rob Banks" to open a checking account.
-SearchingDeepSpace, Jun 2015
The biggest clickbait on Reddit is not the NSFW tag, it's "comment score below
threshold"
-247NoSleep, Nov 2015
Apple should respond to Google Glass with the iPatch
-sam_wise_guy, Aug 2014
You could seriously piss off your neighbours by buying a puppy and naming it
the same as their child.
-chilejon, Apr 2016
The idea of a ghost that moans may have been started by children whose parents
were having sex in the adjacent room and denied having heard the sounds.
-AlenGiss, Oct 2016
Thanks to gifs, millions today enjoy silent movies like people did a century
ago, not annoyed by the lack of sound.
-niktemadur, Aug 2016
Steve Harvey fucked up reading info from a card, but that's all that
motherfucker does on Family Feud.
-ChrisTaliaferro, Jan 2016
Lesbian Friends with Benefits should be called Breast Friends
-Hoftrugh, Sep 2014
Someone is going to be that guy that dies an hour before we discover aliens
for the first time.
-boblawslaw, Sep 2015
If I'm lucky, my internal organs will never see the light of day.
-Strant, Jun 2014
The genius of Nutella isn't so much how is tastes but how the company was able
to market what is basically frosting as an acceptable breakfast spread.
-Mr_Saturn1, Jul 2016
The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a
scam.
-Jorogasm, Feb 2016
Ashtray is just Pig Latin for Trash.
-TooTallForPony, Aug 2015
Tinder and Spotify should pair up and match you with people who listen to the
same music as you.
-MAG_Reloaded, Jun 2016
Facebook should add a feature called "breakup" so it can immediately remove
all traces or even slight connections to your ex.
-dodeleek88, Jan 2015
Up voting something that has already made it to the front page is like giving
Bill gates a dollar.
-Array2912, Aug 2014
If you put a hat on the ground it is like the earth is wearing a tiny hat.
-PrincessAppleBee, Aug 2015
Do sperm banks give out their wi-fi password instead of porn magazines now?
-r-squared11, Mar 2015
