The other day my boss texted me,"Send me one of your funny jokes." I replied,"I' working at the moment,l will send you one later." He replied," l'm laughing my face off,that was fantastic!Send me another one." 🤨

The Covid 19 outbreak has been especially stressful to members of the flat earth society. Members fear that social distancing measures could push them over the edge. 🤭

Did you ever notice:When you put the 2 words"The'and'IRS' together it spells "Theirs... 🤔

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 😵‍💫

Breaking News from the palace: King Charles 3rd in bed with Covid-19 Andrew in bed with Chloe-15 🤔

Does anyone know which page of the bible explains how to turn water into wine?? Just asking for a friend. 🍷🍷🍷

Exercise makes you look Better Naked. So dies Alcohol...your choice.😋

Got fed up with the neighbours dog barking all night in their back garden. So l got up and put it in ours, see how they like it.🐕🦮🐕‍🦺

"I was getting into my car the other day ,and this bloke says to me can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure,you look great,the world's your oyster,go for it. 😗

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea...dies that mean one out of five enjoys it ? 🤐 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are others here for? 🫢

Breaking News? Irelands' worst air disaster happened this morning when a 2-seater Cessna crashed onto a cemetery outside Dublin. Police have recovered 896 bodies so far. 🤫

Being kissed while you are asleep is one of the purest forms of love.....💞💕 Unless you are in prison.2🤔

INFLATION I'm tired of people complaining about $7.00 beers, $10.00 parking and a $20.00 cover charge. Don't like the prices,stop coming to my house. 🫢

University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science. The new element,Govermentium (symbol= Gv),has one neutron,25 assistant neutrons,88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Govermentium has no electrons,it is inert.However,it can be detected,because it impedes every reaction that would normally take less than a second ,to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Govermentium has normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay,but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a potion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,Govermentium's mass will actually increase over time,since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Govermentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalysed with money, Govermentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad),an element that radiates just as much energy as Govermentium,since it has half as many Pillocks but twice as many morons. 🤔

Today l sent out a text saying,"Hey, l lost my phone will you call it?"12 people called me....l need smarter friends _-_ 😑