I had a lot of Amazon packages yesterday. I don't think I could've fit another box in my jeep. I've been saying this more and more lately. There was a period this summer where it felt whatever distributes the packages knew the size of my vehicles. It was smooth. Things fit nicely. Not lately though. It'll get to the middle of the week and I will get giant boxes. That's when the stress level goes up. They're hard to handle and fit. Sometimes there will be 50 pound dog food bags in them. The woman that works next to me had a couple plastic plastic sleds packed in big boxes last week. Someone told me yesterday the Black Friday deals are starting. I imagine the volume and size of packages are going to increase from here on out. Seen some nice bucks on the mail trail the past couple days. That's it for now. Off to the mail trail. Morning fire 41 11.21.25

6 AM. Good morning 🔥 Morning fire 40 11.20.25

I have 15 minutes to go before this fire is burned down. Then I head out the door to throw hay and start the mail jeep. It's back to work. I finished mowing brush on the back side of our land last evening. After I shut the tractor off I made it a point to watch the sunset in the quiet. It wasn't long and I had my phone out. Unconsciously of course. The algorithm showed me a post about Robert Frost. I read it unhurried. It seemed like it was the perfect read for the moment. I shared it after reading. It was about the hardship he faced in life. There was a time in my life when I payed no attention to contemporary media. I read philosophy and books that called me. Did the algorithm know that? That's when it felt like the gods were looking out for me. I was connected to something deeper. I wasn't too far from the spot where we camp as a family when I read the Frost piece. It's been 2 years since we've been there. Anyway, I got back to the other side of the land where our house is and Hayden started forging. It was dark by then. And as I filled wheelbarrows with hay from a distance I could see the red glow of the steel he was pounding. The glow reminded of flow, our family flow. Morning fire 39 11.19.25

My 3rd and final day off from the mail trail. Tomorrow it's back to work. It's 19 out there. I stepped out at 3:30 AM. The sky was full of stars. Yesterday I looked up the moon cycles. The moon is New on the 20th. Two days from now. I mowed brush on the other side of the Bean last evening. Enough to keep the trails open. I quit when I couldn't see. Then I texted Hayden. In no time he was there to pick me up. He had the heaters on high in the cab. That felt good to get into. I almost talked myself out of mowing. I wanted to just stay around the house with my family while they were outside working. Company and companionship. I was reading today's journal entries from years prior. Last year I wrote: "Two years ago I was buying Bitcoin in the 16 thousands after the FTX crash. Right now it is 90K. Unbelievable." Yesterday it fell below 90K. Depressing. It was feeling like it would never drop below 100K ever again. From 2023: "Hayden (14 yrs. old) came in tonight from feeding animals. He was looking at the stars. He was asking questions about constellations. The waxing moon is in the sky right now." I'm going to watch the fire and attempt to read "Time and The Soul," by Jacob Needleman. Reading a book in front of the fire is usually calming. I hope you have a great day! Fire 38 11.18.25

I fed the animals hay the same time I usually do this morning, right around 6:30. The only difference is I lit the fire after I fed them. It's my day off. I can do that. On the days I deliver mail the fire comes before feeding hay. I would say throughout my adult life -- close to 30 years now if adulthood starts at 25, which seems to be the consensus -- the collapse of our way of life has been at the forefront of my mind. To put it another way, the breakdown of civilization. It feels like it has been breaking down for my entire life, 51 years now. It wasn't until living with my grandparents did it really start to weigh on me though. I moved in with them a month before I turned 18. At that time in my life I wanted to start over. I was in trouble with the law in my hometown. All of it related to drinking and driving violations. My Grandpa, shortly after I moved in, said with a chuckle that what I did reminded him of a song: "I Fought the Law and The Law Won." He didn't seem to think it was that big of deal. I assume he'd found trouble a number of times in his life by then. Grandparents in general have a different eye for things it seems. They have the ability to connect with their kid's kids at a different level. It's archetypal, so I've read. My Grandpa, looking back, had his own way of dealing with the breakdown of civilization, or the chaos and change he was experiencing. He blamed a group of people. And I hated it. I resisted it the whole time I lived with him and afterwards. I listen to political podcasts almost all day long when I deliver mail. I hear the same sentiment, just dressed in different clothes. It's the republicans, democrats, christians, whites, immigrants, muslims, Jews, billionaires, bums, technocrats, men, women, and the list goes on. Annie and I were talking about this yesterday. And I wondered if the anger, rage, and blame stems from the giant herds of buffalo being gone. It doesn't necessarily have to be the buffalo, it can be any nonhuman we knew existed but have been wiped out or severely knocked back. That's it for now. I'm working on finding some solid ground amidst what seems to be the ever increasing social, political, economic, and environmental chaos. Morning fire 37 11.17.25

This I tell you: decay is inherent in all conditioned things. Work out your own salvation, with diligence. ~ Gautama Buddha

Yes please!

Good morning. It's my first of 3 days off from the mail trail. The sun is already shining out there. It's 7 40 AM. Still below freezing at 30 degrees. I am going to mow trails on the backside of our land today. That's the plan anyway. Annie has got some things she wants me to do around the house, like dig holes for a hitching post for the horse. Sophie (13 yrs. old) is getting into riding. Which I'm happy about. My mom was a horse girl. My wife is. Now my daughter. Funny how that works. I've been hearing stories about horses for as long as I can remember. It's going to be a full day like usual. I get on here and write to tell my story again and again. It's therapeutic. Life seems to be getting more chaotic. It's my age (51!) and the times we live in I think. Something shifted in the universe during Covid. I'm trying to remember who I am amidst the chaos. I am a child of 3 things: Parents, nature, and culture. My culture tells me that we are put here to conquer and rule the world. I don't think we were. We're just one species among countless others. Yet it feels like we carry a heavier responsibility. I keep thinking of that quote by Gurdjieff. I'll paraphrase "If humanity falls the Earth falls." One thing I like about that quote is that it makes it bigger than me. I am part of a larger vision and aim. I don't want either to fall! I'm not going to be here forever. There will be those that come after me. You're going to probably laugh at this. But when I move dead deer off the road it feels like the woods is watching me. Like I said yesterday, the least I can do is get the deer off the concrete and into or near the woods so it can return to the land. I know it will eventually anyway, but I like to give a hand and make things easier when I can. It's a sacred process, the deer returning to the land. No, not it getting hit by a motor vehicle at 60 miles an hour. That's a tragedy. That's one thing I like about the other side of the Bean Brook. It's where I'm going to mow today. I call it the other side because the Bean Brook cuts through the middle of our land creating a land locked 15 acres or so. It's hard to get to. I have to cross my neighbor's land to get to it. It feels like a sanctuary. A protected piece of land away from the modern madness. I wish I had more time just to be back there. Mow, burn, cut firewood, hunt, plant native plants, show it off to Bean Brook Nursery customers, etc. That's one reason why I'm so into Bitcoin. I've listened to a lot of people tell their stories about walking away from their hamster wheel jobs and into creative work because of Bitcoin. I want the freedom to be in bib overalls working on the land more. The hard part, it happens, will be walking away from the meaning mail carrying gives me. Ok, Annie is up now. I should go. Get the other part of my day going. If you've made it this far I hope you have a great Sunday. You deserve it. :-) Morning fire 36 11.16.25

I have 15 minutes before heading to the mail trail. The fire is about burned down. Everyone sleeps except the cat messing around behind the couch. I don't have much to say. I want to write big thoughts, but it's not there. Or they're there but time doesn't allow it. I pulled a dead deer off the road just outside of Spooner a few days back. I was with Hayden, my middle son. I couldn't stand letting it lay there surrounded by concrete. I'd passed it a few times already. People usually don't take the time to move them. It's messy, smelly, and work to move that much dead weight. I feel good doing it. That way the deer can return to the land in peace. Plus the animals eating off if have less risk of getting hit themselves. Son and I saw a fox eating off a carcass just down the road last week. It was in the headlights. We just kept going not to bother it. I admire how wild nature works and regenerates. There's an eternal aspect to it. Off to the mail trail. Morning fire 35 11.15.25

Back in 2020 Bitcoin was a distant noise. When I'd hear about it I'd imagine people trying to get lucky with magic Internet money. When you walk into a gas station in Wisconsin you can buy scratch off lottery tickets. I know they're somewhere. But that's about as much as I pay attention to them. That's the way it was with Bitcoin. Distant. Nothing I was interested in. ....

5:50 AM. Good morning 🔥 Morning Fire #34 11.14.25

I have been a homeschooling father for 20 years. The belt I have on to hold my pants up was made by son. He's moved out and married now. It's leather. Not like most belts you see. Actually I can't say that. I'm guessing. I don't pay much attention to belts. He got into leather work and many other things while growing up. Loved to make things with his hands. He used to sell Harry Potter wands too. Some of my friends on Facebook bought them back in the day. Some of those friends are no longer with us. My other son will be rearranging his forging shop so his workbench we modified together will fit. He likes to make things out of metal with fire. My daughter made a homemade Christmas card that hangs on our refrigerator. I would take a picture of it but I don't want to get up from the front of this fire and break this stream of feeling and thought. One thing I noticed the past 20 years is creativity emerged when they had a lot of uninterrupted time. Off to the mail trail. Morning fire 33 11.13.25

My grandma lives with my mom, her daughter. It's just the two of them. Lately she's been forgetting who her daughter is. This is tough on my mom, as you can imagine. I worry about my mom. I don't want nothing to happen to either of them. I stop in and see them every day I deliver mail. They happily greet me daily, along with the yapping dachshund duo. When my grandpa's heart stopped they carried him out of my mom's house on a stretcher. My mom leaned over and through tears told her Dad she would take care of mom. I saw that. That was 4 years ago. Today I deliver mail and packages after a holiday. I don't know if I will make it to her house before 12:30. That's when they have to leave for the doctor to see what's going on. I hope to. 11.12.25

7 AM. It's 22 out there. The hose was frozen. The animals needed water. I got it to work. I just had to break a chunk of ice loose up by the faucet. The little bit of snow we got Saturday evening hasn't melted. I thought it would. I started pulling flags in the front meadow yesterday. They marked the plants we put in throughout the planting season. They pulled easily. The ground not too frozen. The meadow makes my soul come alive. I found this quote by Thomas Moore this morning. His writing has always spoke to me. "When soul is present, nature is alive." It's been weeks since I've worked in the meadow. I run through it most days. Running through it isn't enough though. Working in it reorients me. Part of me feels like I shouldn't be saying this. Native plant gardening isn't exactly a male thing to do. Yet I can't deny my experience. When I was working in the woods logging, nature wasn't alive. Soul was not present. To a certain degree it was soulless. I of course couldn't have said it this clearly then. More and more I think about the presence of Soul. After I put logging behind me in my early 20's, and read Daniel Quinn, I started buying field guides. Shelves and shelves of them. The local bookstore owner once commented that she never had a customer buy so many field guides Wonder was awakened. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying a logger's soul can't be present. I'm just telling you what I experienced. I talked with a logger yesterday. He told me how his son quit talking after he turned 20. They learned that his autism worsened. He said it really bothers him as a father to see this. I just listened and asked a few questions about autism because I don't know much about it. What else could I do. Soul was present. I wanted to do more. Hopefully listening was enough. I wanted to talk about vaccines as being a possible cause, but I didn't. I'm not a doctor or scientist. The damage has been done. The neighborly thing to do was just listen. Another meandering mind post concluded. I'm off to work in the meadow on my second day off. I hope you have a great day! 11.10.25

When soul is present, nature is alive. ~ Thomas Moore

"A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing that takes place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life. We may find a soul partner in many different forms of relationship- in friendship, marriage, work, play, and family. It is a rare form of intimacy but is not limited to one person or to one form." ~ Thomas Moore

7:15 AM. In front of morning fire 29. A day off. God it's good to be home. 5 days of delivering mail and Amazon packages is enough for a few days. I have 3 days off in a row. Thinking about taking a vacation day next week and doing it again. I look back at working 6 days a week for 14 months straight last year and wonder how I did it If it wasn't for Bitcoin I don't know if I could've did it. You see part of getting into Bitcoin is seeing through the lies we've been told about money. Ever since I read Daniel Quinn in my early 20's I seem to gravitate towards things that challenge my worldview. That's the best I can put it right now. When I learned the little bit of money we were saving was losing value it pissed me off. I knew inflation was part of the game, but nothing like what was actually happening. Not to get too far into Bitcoin though. It's a technology. And I would rather talk about Soul right now. It's 19 degrees out there. There is light fluffy snow covering everything. I swept it off our deck. My wife was not happy to see it snowing last night. I won't share the expletives. It'll melt today. Nothing to get too excited about. I deliver mail in Earl, Wisconsin. It's at the end of my route. It's really not my route. It's the USPS's. But for ease I will call it mine. Highway 63 runs through it. In less then 30 seconds you're through it driving 45 miles per hour, the posted speech limit. I was there just before 5 PM yesterday. It was a long day. A lot of Amazon packages and mail. I had less then 10 boxes left when I looked down a driveway to see a woman waving and walking fast towards me. I stopped to wait for her. She was carrying an aluminum container with a clear plastic top. She gets to the car and says, "l had some extra apple/raspberry turnovers in the freezer, would you like them?" "Sure!" I said. She smiled and wished me a good evening. I thought another month from now and it'll be close to Christmas. I am going to watch the fire. I hope you have a great day! 11.9.25

It's 6:03. I have 15 minutes to write before I head out the door. Hayden and I hauled our 9th load of firewood to my mom's last evening. We wore headlamps so we could see what we were doing. She bought $800's worth from one of our neighbors. I talked to him for a bit while I was delivering his Amazon package. He was worried she wasn't getting enough wood for the price. He didn't want neighbors mad at him. I told him I thought it was enough. He seemed to feel better about it. Hayden turns 16 on Veterans Day. I call him Big Heart sometimes. He is always willing to help, give a hand, etc. I told him last night I wouldn't be able to do the firewood without him. It just helps to have a willing partner to work with. That's 15 minutes already. Unbelievable. I have so much more I want to say this morning. About Bitcoin, wild nature, friends, memories. Next time. Off to the mail trail. I hope you have a great day. Morning fire 28 11.8.25

6 AM. Good morning 🔥 Morning fire 27 11.7.25