Becoming B

Back in 2020 Bitcoin was a distant noise. When I'd hear about it I'd imagine people trying to get lucky with magic Internet money. When you walk into a gas station in Wisconsin you can buy scratch off lottery tickets. I know they're somewhere. But that's about as much as I pay attention to them. That's the way it was with Bitcoin. Distant. Nothing I was interested in. ....

5:50 AM. Good morning 🔥 Morning Fire #34 11.14.25

I have been a homeschooling father for 20 years. The belt I have on to hold my pants up was made by son. He's moved out and married now. It's leather. Not like most belts you see. Actually I can't say that. I'm guessing. I don't pay much attention to belts. He got into leather work and many other things while growing up. Loved to make things with his hands. He used to sell Harry Potter wands too. Some of my friends on Facebook bought them back in the day. Some of those friends are no longer with us. My other son will be rearranging his forging shop so his workbench we modified together will fit. He likes to make things out of metal with fire. My daughter made a homemade Christmas card that hangs on our refrigerator. I would take a picture of it but I don't want to get up from the front of this fire and break this stream of feeling and thought. One thing I noticed the past 20 years is creativity emerged when they had a lot of uninterrupted time. Off to the mail trail. Morning fire 33 11.13.25

My grandma lives with my mom, her daughter. It's just the two of them. Lately she's been forgetting who her daughter is. This is tough on my mom, as you can imagine. I worry about my mom. I don't want nothing to happen to either of them. I stop in and see them every day I deliver mail. They happily greet me daily, along with the yapping dachshund duo. When my grandpa's heart stopped they carried him out of my mom's house on a stretcher. My mom leaned over and through tears told her Dad she would take care of mom. I saw that. That was 4 years ago. Today I deliver mail and packages after a holiday. I don't know if I will make it to her house before 12:30. That's when they have to leave for the doctor to see what's going on. I hope to. 11.12.25

7 AM. It's 22 out there. The hose was frozen. The animals needed water. I got it to work. I just had to break a chunk of ice loose up by the faucet. The little bit of snow we got Saturday evening hasn't melted. I thought it would. I started pulling flags in the front meadow yesterday. They marked the plants we put in throughout the planting season. They pulled easily. The ground not too frozen. The meadow makes my soul come alive. I found this quote by Thomas Moore this morning. His writing has always spoke to me. "When soul is present, nature is alive." It's been weeks since I've worked in the meadow. I run through it most days. Running through it isn't enough though. Working in it reorients me. Part of me feels like I shouldn't be saying this. Native plant gardening isn't exactly a male thing to do. Yet I can't deny my experience. When I was working in the woods logging, nature wasn't alive. Soul was not present. To a certain degree it was soulless. I of course couldn't have said it this clearly then. More and more I think about the presence of Soul. After I put logging behind me in my early 20's, and read Daniel Quinn, I started buying field guides. Shelves and shelves of them. The local bookstore owner once commented that she never had a customer buy so many field guides Wonder was awakened. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying a logger's soul can't be present. I'm just telling you what I experienced. I talked with a logger yesterday. He told me how his son quit talking after he turned 20. They learned that his autism worsened. He said it really bothers him as a father to see this. I just listened and asked a few questions about autism because I don't know much about it. What else could I do. Soul was present. I wanted to do more. Hopefully listening was enough. I wanted to talk about vaccines as being a possible cause, but I didn't. I'm not a doctor or scientist. The damage has been done. The neighborly thing to do was just listen. Another meandering mind post concluded. I'm off to work in the meadow on my second day off. I hope you have a great day! 11.10.25

When soul is present, nature is alive. ~ Thomas Moore

"A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing that takes place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life. We may find a soul partner in many different forms of relationship- in friendship, marriage, work, play, and family. It is a rare form of intimacy but is not limited to one person or to one form." ~ Thomas Moore

7:15 AM. In front of morning fire 29. A day off. God it's good to be home. 5 days of delivering mail and Amazon packages is enough for a few days. I have 3 days off in a row. Thinking about taking a vacation day next week and doing it again. I look back at working 6 days a week for 14 months straight last year and wonder how I did it If it wasn't for Bitcoin I don't know if I could've did it. You see part of getting into Bitcoin is seeing through the lies we've been told about money. Ever since I read Daniel Quinn in my early 20's I seem to gravitate towards things that challenge my worldview. That's the best I can put it right now. When I learned the little bit of money we were saving was losing value it pissed me off. I knew inflation was part of the game, but nothing like what was actually happening. Not to get too far into Bitcoin though. It's a technology. And I would rather talk about Soul right now. It's 19 degrees out there. There is light fluffy snow covering everything. I swept it off our deck. My wife was not happy to see it snowing last night. I won't share the expletives. It'll melt today. Nothing to get too excited about. I deliver mail in Earl, Wisconsin. It's at the end of my route. It's really not my route. It's the USPS's. But for ease I will call it mine. Highway 63 runs through it. In less then 30 seconds you're through it driving 45 miles per hour, the posted speech limit. I was there just before 5 PM yesterday. It was a long day. A lot of Amazon packages and mail. I had less then 10 boxes left when I looked down a driveway to see a woman waving and walking fast towards me. I stopped to wait for her. She was carrying an aluminum container with a clear plastic top. She gets to the car and says, "l had some extra apple/raspberry turnovers in the freezer, would you like them?" "Sure!" I said. She smiled and wished me a good evening. I thought another month from now and it'll be close to Christmas. I am going to watch the fire. I hope you have a great day! 11.9.25

It's 6:03. I have 15 minutes to write before I head out the door. Hayden and I hauled our 9th load of firewood to my mom's last evening. We wore headlamps so we could see what we were doing. She bought $800's worth from one of our neighbors. I talked to him for a bit while I was delivering his Amazon package. He was worried she wasn't getting enough wood for the price. He didn't want neighbors mad at him. I told him I thought it was enough. He seemed to feel better about it. Hayden turns 16 on Veterans Day. I call him Big Heart sometimes. He is always willing to help, give a hand, etc. I told him last night I wouldn't be able to do the firewood without him. It just helps to have a willing partner to work with. That's 15 minutes already. Unbelievable. I have so much more I want to say this morning. About Bitcoin, wild nature, friends, memories. Next time. Off to the mail trail. I hope you have a great day. Morning fire 28 11.8.25

6 AM. Good morning 🔥 Morning fire 27 11.7.25

Yesterday was a long day. I was out til sunset delivering Amazon packages and mail. This time of year, with daylight savings in effect, it's always nice to get done at least an hour before sunset. It feels like there's life after work then. The fire is about burned down. I head out the door to feed animals hay and start the Ford in 10 minutes. Annie said she saw at least 6 to 7 deer lying dead on the side of the road on the way to Rice Lake yesterday. It's about an hour to the south of us. The deer are more active now with the bucks chasing the does looking to mate. I was talking with a woman at work the other day. I showed her a meme on my phone. It said that human activity now dominates the planet. Human biomass movement now 40X greater than all wild animals study finds. She said that she thinks of that every time a new driveway goes in on the mail routes she runs. I was going to say there is no political remedy for this. The People have to change first. Then the politicians will follow. Politics is downstream from culture perhaps. The meandering mind write is over. Time to head to the mail trail. I hope you have a great day!

5:55 AM. Good morning 🔥 From the front of morning fire 24. Hope you have a great day! 11.4.25

"Is it enough only to go 'back in time' and remember oneself as a small child to see that our ordinary thoughts are not our Self. It is only enough to remember how we confronted ultimate reality as children--the reality of death and injury--to see that our everyday thoughts, even our careful, logical thinking, are not the self, not the soul. When the young child needs to understand, when you or I need to understand a mystery, and ultimate fact, an overpowering reality, then and only then do we taste the begining of a new kind of thinking that comes from the inner self. Such thinking has very little in common with the views and opinions that fly in and out of the socially conditioned mind." -- Jacob Needleman, Tine and the Soul (2003) I didn't sleep well last night. I fell asleep in the recliner at 10. At 11 I woke up, brushed and flossed my teeth, swished some mouthwash, said goodnight to everyone, gave Annie a kiss, and went to bed. 3 AM I was up worrying and couldn't fall back asleep. I go through phases like this. I think it's my soul communicating I need to course correct. I straighten up and pay attention, or I suffer more. It has communicated like this for as long as I can remember. It's a mystery. As much as I don't like the experience l like the mystery of it. One time when it happened I begged God to tell me what I need to do. I got an answer. "Keep writing" I calmed down and fell asleep on the couch. Sometimes I will grab Annie's arm, lay it across my chest and scratch it. I listen to a Zen Monk on YouTube. When anxiety becomes to overwhelming for him he works to remind himself that all there is Now and the relationship he is sharing at the moment. Course correction. Focus on what matters. I was talk to a guy at work the other day. He's having insomnia. He's on blood pressure pills and anti anxiety medicine. I made sure to tell him that I go through the same thing, but to a lesser degree. When I started reading Daniel Quinn, or as we say nowadays went down the rabbit hole, as far as one can go with dialup internet and physical books, he mentioned the Age of Anxiety in one of his essays. It started in the 1950's. When my parents were hiding under their desks at school doing drills in case of a nuclear attack. It was relief to read that. That it wasn't me who was just prone to anxiety. The whole damn culture was riddled with it. Literature can be a lifeline. I have been pondering this idea: We are children of parents. We are children of culture. We are children of nature. Quinn spoke to the child in nature in me back at the turn of the century. He masterfully helped me understand why we are doing what we are doing to the earth. God it was relief to hear it. I think the only way he got through was my socially conditioned self was rattled enough in my late teens, early 20's that I had ears to listen. Or to say it another way, the child of culture was disarmed and confused. I may be barking up the wrong tree this morning, but I'm going to keep barking. I need sleep so I can be present for my family and community, Morning fire #22 11.3.25

"Is it enough only to go 'back in time' and remember oneself as a small child to see that our ordinary thoughts are not our Self. It is only enough to remember how we confronted ultimate reality as children--the reality of death and injury--to see that our everyday thoughts, even our careful, logical thinking, are not the self, not the soul. When the young child needs to understand, when you or I need to understand a mystery, and ultimate fact, an overpowering reality, then and only then do we taste the begining of a new kind of thinking that comes from the inner self. Such thinking has very little in common with the views and opinions that fly in and out of the socially conditioned mind." -- Jacob Needleman, Tine and the Soul (2003)

Good morning. I'm in front of morning fire 22. I am thinking about Bitcoin. Two people messaged me yesterday about it. The first one reads: "Hello! I’ve been meaning to write to you for awhile, thanking you for my first foray into crypto… but I just got something from a hacked duplicate page someone has set up in your name. Hope you and yours are all more than well and I look forward to meeting you officially some day…" --- I don't know if this message is real. I am not friends with this person. I hope it is. It's a kind message. But it also might be a duplicate page. I usually don't send people messages on messenger unless they message me first. Definitely not unsolicited messages about Bitcoin. To be clear, I am not into crypto, just Bitcoin. From the beginning people smarter than me said to stay away from anything but Bitcoin. After 3 years of education and buying it I understand why. ---- The second comment reads: "So, how is a Bitcoin loan repaid? On the increased value of your bitcoin? We are a no-debt household so taking a traditional loan is not something we would choose to do." ---- We are a no-debt household too. I've never taken out a Bitcoin loan. The way I understand it Strike will loan you 50% of the value of the Bitcoin you put up for collateral. So if I put up 10 grand they'll loan me 5. No credit checks etc. I guess you can have the loan in 15 minutes. I think the interest rates are around 10%. I also think you can only take out a 1 year loan. I asked Joel Bomgar about it one time. He's a Bitcoin Sherpa. He said DON'T borrow against your Bitcoin. Because if it drops below the value of the amount you put up for collateral they can liquidate your Bitcoin to cover the loan. So you lose your Bitcoin. There are people that put up PART of their Bitcoin stack as collateral, borrow enough to live on, and buy Bitcoin with the cash they would be putting into their living expenses. The value of Bitcoin is growing at an average of 50% a year, so you could have enough to pay off your loan at 10% with extra Bitcoin to boot. I recommend listening to Jack Maller's Mailbag Monday shows at 5 PM CST. He's the CEO of Strike, young, and gifted at communicating all things Bitcoin. ----- That's all I got to say about that for right now. It's 34 degrees out there. The fire is still burning in front of me. There's a Full Moon coming up in a couple of days. We bought fencing to expand our pasture. Hoping to get some of it fenced before the ground freezes so the goats can start eating buckthorn. It's all over the place on route 12, our mail route, the one I deliver. It's one of the last woody plants to lose its leaves. So you can see it growing deep in the forests and swamps right now. I don't know how it will ever be stopped. Anyway, I hope you have a great Sunday! 11.2.25

From a private message: "Hey Curt, I see you post about crypto and Bitcoin a lot How do you get started? And I was wondering is that website like kraken any good?" I only post about Bitcoin. There is only Bitcoin to me. Bitcoin is not crypto to me. I won't even look at the other coins. There is Bitcoin and everything else. When you look into Bitcoin you will understand what I am talking about. It's a different animal. To be comfortable buying Bitcoin you have to educate yourself, or it will go nowhere for you. It'll just be another investment that you hope goes up someday. It's bigger than that. I've heard of Kraken, but that's about it. Never looked into it. We buy our Bitcoin on exchanges. We use Swan and Strike. We use Strike a lot more now. They will exchange our Bitcoin for US Dollars (fiat) and pay our bills for us. They will also loan us money against our Bitcoin to pay our bills. That way we don't have to sell our Bitcoin. You never want to sell your Bitcoin if you can help it. Because it is engineered to continuously go up in value. Off to the mail trail. My last day, then 2 days off. I hope you have a great day! Morning fire #21 11.1.25

Twenty two out there. The lower the temps the more thankful I am for this fire and dry firewood. I took this picture at 5:50 AM. Been up since 4:30 AM. No alarm clock. It seems once fire burning season starts I'm awake at that time. It's either get up, start a fire, go to work, or be cold and hungry. I looked out the window and saw stars this morning. Hoping to see more sun on the mail trail today. And I hope you have a great day. Fire #13 10.24.25

How Bitcoin Saved Me From Despair (40 min.) https://youtu.be/rsMIJhPs8bQ?si=32IW8uBQA0VLCYX5

My takeaway: To die well we must have your own myth. We're a story. A fiction. Continuously editing that myth. Fantasy is reality.