Becoming B

8:35 AM. Later than usual again. It's my second day off from mail delivery. 15 below zero. The fire in front of me burns bright and hot. Looking forward to another day staying close to home with the family. Tomorrow I will travel every road in my community. As much as I miss being home with my family on the land I feel lucky to deliver mail in my community. I am serving my community. In the end, that's what we're here for, isn't it? To serve each other and a higher power. Last night, around 11, Hayden {15yrs. old} and I drove over to my mom's to fill her outdoor wood boiler. It's about 4 miles over there. He drove. The sky was lit by the waning moon hanging in the eastern sky. The large fields they irrigate in the summer glowed as we drove past them on County E. I was refreshed and wide awake. There are times when we drive over there in the evening that I'll sleep. Work wipes me out. On the way home I was going to listen to a Bitcoin update. But the algorithm threw up a Zen video on the dying process. So I asked Hayden if he'd mind listening. Not at all, he said. In my fantasies of fatherhood prior to it I never imagined driving home listening to monk talk about watching his 108 year old teacher die in front of him. Again, I sometimes wonder what the kid thinks of his old man. I hope he turns out ok. He's not being raised in a conventional setting after all. I started giving the kids a weekly allowance in Bitcoin. I call it Bitcoin Sunday. We sit down, I get my phone out, bring up the exchange, and buy it. They write down in a ledger how much is being purchased for them. We add up the entries and see if it's worth more or less than the dollars they stuck into it. Lately it's been down. My neighbor texted out of the blue the other day. She was checking in to see how we were handling the extreme cold and wanted to know how our other neighbor was doing. He had a bad stroke last July and is not able to come home yet. So I gave her an update. Well, that's it for this morning's musing. Just living life. I hope you have a great day! Fire 136 2.17.24

USAID does a little bit of good. Enough to make it look like it's a charitable program. But behind the scenes it is used to do the unspeakable. To keep the resources flowing into the United States to maintain our standard of living. This takes control and predictability. To make that happen they create chaos in the population. Enough to overwhelm the current government. They then install the government that can be controlled. This strategy was only meant to be used abroad. But they used it on a President for the past 10 years. They shouldn't have done that. Because they created a division in our country that hasn't existed since the Civil War.

Sunday. 8:30 AM. Later than usual for a fire post. Everyone is still asleep. I'm on my second burning of wood. A day off after a challenging 6 days of mail delivery. It's been either frigidly cold or snowing. Yesterday I had the Jeep in 4 wheel drive the whole day to make it down roads still unplowed or through snowbanks in front of mail boxes. I haven't opened the curtains yet. I have petted 2 out of the 4 cats. The goal is to give them all atleast one pet today. Another goal is to hug my kids atleast once today and tell them I love them. As teenagers I don't think they think I'm crazy doing this. I know I would've at that age. But they're different. Sophia was telling Annie the other day that when she falls asleep in a car it feels like she's waiting for her soul to catch up to her. I feel that way on a day off. After 800 miles of mail delivery just being home and present is a fulfillment. I am really thankful I have a place I can call home with all the memories and stories that come with it. That's it for now. I am going to throw some more wood on the fire and sit back down in this recliner to watch it. I hope you have a great day! Fire 135 2.16.25

Picture of prairie smoke taken May 5th, 2024. In less than 3 months we hope to share a similar photo. Starting to think spring. 🌱 2.15.25

In 5 minutes I head out to sweep snow off the jeep. I am thinking we got over 3 inches. I am never good at coming up with that number. Or the "how are the roads" question. I do remember what the snow looked like last night when I ran through it. It was soft, fluffy, and light. I'd stomp my foot and it would explode away from my foot. When I looked up in the red pine tree next to the driveway it rested in the needles that filled its branches. I gotta go to we work now. Just when I get rolling I gotta go. Well, tomorrow not so. I have off two days in a row. I get to spread my wings a little. Off to the mail trail. I hope you have a great day! Fire 134 2.15.25

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday. He would've been 71. That's what my mom told me on the phone while I drove home from work. After mentioning that she said she's thinking about retiring and enjoying life a little while she's still here. I told her she's more than welcome anytime to help out or hang out at the nursery this summer. I was heading west on E when she told me that. I had just made the corner by the cemetery in Earl. 10 hours earlier I was heading east on E past the cemetery. My grandpa has a headstone there. Next to it is my Grandma's. Date of death blank. Sometimes I wonder if she should go there. So far from her birth home near Pardeeville. My grandpa and I would drive past that graveyard daily on the way to logging jobs. Yesterday morning I drove past it alone. 20 below. A Full Moon hanging in the eastern horizon. The snow reminding me of moonlight all around me. With Led Zeppelin's "In The Evening" playing as loud as it can go. Fire 133 2.14.25

6:11 AM. Good morning from the front of fire 132. It's 16 below out there. Feels like this frigid cold is never going to end even though we're almost halfway through February. Just over a month away is the spring equinox. Yesterday was the Full Moon. Well, so what. This life isn't something to get through. It's mysterious, and we're here to go as deep as we dare. 2.13.25

Many people think that the point in life is to solve their problems and be happy. But happiness is usually a fleeting sensation, and you never get rid of your problems. Your purpose in life may be to become more of who you are and more engaged with the people and the life around you, to really live your life. That may sound obvious, yet many people spend their time avoiding life. ~ Thomas Moore

Keep shaking the box Mr. President. Shake it harder. You're the circuit breaker while people wake up.

6 AM. It's cold again. Google says it's 15 below. I'll be delivering mail in it all day. There were times yesterday when my fingers burned. The tips of some of them have cracked. It doesn't take long opening and closing metal and plastic mailbox doors all day long. On long driving stretches I would alternate putting a hand in a jacket pocket to warm it. I quit complaining about the cold a long time ago. Oh, I feel the resistance to it. There are times when I do everything I can to talk myself out of entering it. But I think what it comes down to is there is nothing I can do about it. The cold just is. The only thing I can do is pay attention to my reactions to it. The more I resist it the worse it gets. If it wasn't for the cold I wouldn't appreciate warmth, the warmth of this fire, etc. That's it for now. Not much, but it's something. Words have been written. That part of me is kept alive amidst the daily demands of life. I hope you have a great day. Stay warm. :-) Fire 131 2.12.25

“A philosophy of life is a bundle of wisdom you have gathered from your reading and experience. It is not a rigid ideology that allows no development and complexity. It’s a living thing, a developing idea about life that belongs to you alone.” -- Thomas Moore It's 20 below. Full moon (snow moon) tomorrow. I shut my headlamp off during my run last night. Didn't need it. The glow on the snow from the moonlight was enough. Got home late from work and filling my mom's woodstove . Time enough to water the pasture animals, workout, eat dinner, clean up, and go to bed. 5 hours later here I am in front of the fire. The quote above speaks to me. I have a philosophy of life. It's complex and flexible . . . most of the time. I suffer when it gets too rigid. Something I've learned over the years. When I think about the bundle of wisdom that I've gathered from my reading and experience the voices of the tribal peoples that lived on this continent are always present. Sitting Bull. Crazy Horse. Geronimo. Chief Joseph. And countless others. There's a line by Daniel Quinn in a pocket book he put out early in his career. The title of it is "The Book of the Damned." He calls our culture the Takers. He calls the tribal peoples the Leavers. He's speaks mythologically. Because we all have a general story of what happened at the conquest of this continent. He said the Leavers spoke to us in poetry. If you read some of their oratory it is poetic. Their imaginations were fed by the nonhuman world. Much more than ours. Some explorers I've read said they were childlike. Quinn said we just patted them on the head and carried on with our conquest. The vision to improve the world and turn it into a paradise was too strong for most to listen. Well, anyway, I always wonder what would've happened if we, the Takers, would've listened better. That's it for this meandering musing. I have to start a jeep so I have something somewhat warm to drive to work in. I hope you have a great day. Fire 129 2.11.25

6 AM. It's minus 5 out there. I leave for the mail trail in a half hour. Looking at a heavy day. The Amazon drop didn't show up until late on Saturday. So it'll be two days worth of Amazon on a Monday, which are usually heavy anyway. It's been easier to get up and go to work since I've learned about Bitcoin. The promise of it is that it holds its value better than the dollar. It's been two and half years since then and that has proven to be true. When I learned the dollars I'm earning are depreciating roughty 7 percent a year it was like a punch in the gut. Since I graduated high school I always worked under the assumption that if you work hard enough at anything you can get ahead. It doesn't feel that way to me anymore. To get ahead it seems you have to be lucky, invest in the stock market or real estate, plus work a job. Most people who work all day don't have the time or energy to play the stock market or watch the real estate market when they get home from work. Our money system rewards high net worth people while it punishes low net worth people like me and most of my neighbors. Once you climb on to that treadmill, it seems, your compelled to run harder and faster while the currency you're working for depreciates. In the end though, when talking long term investments, a healthy planet is the aim. Nature always bats last. Fire 129 2.10.25 #Bitcoin

When rich speculators prosper While farmers lose their land; when government officials spend money on weapons instead of cures; when the upper class is extravagant and irresponsible while the poor have nowhere to turn- all this is robbery and chaos. It is not in keeping with the Tao. ~ The Tao Te Ching

Sunday Seven AM. A day off from delivering mail. I'm in front of the fire while the rest of the family sleeps. Once and awhile I'll see a cat scurry by. We've got 4 of them living with us for the time being. This morning Skippy curled up next to my head in bed. I was mostly awake worrying about this or that hoping to get back to sleep. So I decided to lay my head on him and listen to him pur. Calming, but I couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up, took my cold shower, meditated, and here I am in front of the fire. All is well. Thankful for this fire on this 10 below morning. I delivered mail mostly on unplowed roads yesterday. Not the first time. I had the old jeep in 4 wheel drive for the whole route. I delivered to every box and house. We were told to deliver at our own discretion. Any roads we didn't think we could travel or boxes we couldn't get to we could pass up. I usually do the opposite and see if I can get it all done accurately. I like the challenge. Plus, not that many people are out. I kind of feel like I have the area to myself. So I get to 4 wheel through snow and get paid for it. It could be worse. I did take a nap on the route. When I get tired I will pull over in a safe location, set my smartphone timer for 4 minutes, and take a power nap. Like clockwork I can fall asleep in less then 30 seconds. Three and half minutes later the timer goes off, I wake up, hit end lunch on my scanner, and I'm refreshed. I started experimenting with this after listening to an ultra marathoner on the Joe Rogan show. They told how during a 100 mile race they would periodically find a spot to lay down, sleep for 1 minute, reset their body, get up, and continue running. So I worked that into my mail delivery method. I average 4 to 6 hours of sleep a night. So those power naps get me through the day. Yesterday was different though. My timer never went off. When I woke up I saw white woods and road. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and crashed, or maybe was dead. Then I looked at my phone and it was at 13 minutes and counting. I knew then what happened. I set my stopwatch instead of my timer. Can't make that mistake again. We're only allowed a half hour of lunch a day. One time, while delivering out on the Lac Courte Oreilles Reservation, I woke up with a knock on the window. Here it was a guy that lived up the road and was passing by. He saw me sitting there with my head back, eyes closed, and mouth hanging open. He was checking to see if I was dead. I just laughed when he told me that. I should've been more embarrassed, but I wasn't. I felt less judged delivering in Indian Country. I miss delivering out there. If this culture ever totally collapses I might just try to go live out there. Put me back in the 19th century and I would've been one of the Europeans that joined the Indians. What did Benjamin Franklin say? "No European who has tasted Savage life can afterwards bear to live in our societies.” I hope you have a great day! Fire 128 2.9.25

Bitcoin allows wage workers to save and plan for the future. It has no issuer. No third part risk. It's going to work this morning knowing I can buy Bitcoin. In some ways it's giving me a new lease on life. 2.8.25 #Bitcoin

5:45 AM. There's a few inches of fresh snow on the deck. That's the way it looks from in here anyway. It's supposed to snow all day. They're calling for up to 8 inches. I will leave for the mail trail early. It's less stressful when I can pull it off. The problem is words start flowing and it's hard to shut if off. I look forward to a day off tomorrow. I also look forward to seeing the people I work with this morning. I could tell you about some of them, but I'm running out of time. Screw it. I have a few minutes. I talked to a carrier yesterday that grew up near me. Guessing she's in her 60's. The house she grew up in went up for sale recently. I deliver mail to it. Her Dad was born in it and wanted to die in it. Guessing he was born sometime in the 40's. But he and his wife moved off the farm and in with one of his sons. So he didn't quite meet his goal. My oldest son is thinking about buying the place. So that's interesting. I learned that in a short conversation while getting ready to pack my mail into my jeep yesterday. Real people real stories. Soul stories. Stories of the place I live in. Powerful. There's more to a mail route than meets the eye when you listen more than talk. Ok. I promised myself I would leave earlier. I'm sticking to it. I hope you have a great day! Fire 127 2.8.25

5:45 AM. The thermometer reads 4. The second armload of wood is burning hot. I'm on my 5th day of work. One more to go and it's a day off. Then it's back to work Monday. One day isn't enough, especially if I will be spending it clearing snow out of our driveway. It feels like I'm at the end of something. I can't put my finger on it. Might be seasonal. Could be the work week coming to an end. Maybe it's the job. There's a terror in the paychecks ending, so I keep going for my own and family's well being. I never planned on making a career out of this. Yet I don't know how long the Post Office will be around in its current form. More and more people I talk to mention privatization. We deliver a lot of business bulk mail and packages. First class letters it seems less and less. So we'll see. Collectively we keep investing in technology, speed, and efficiency. So more and more our humanness seems to be less of a factor. In the end I'm hoping my love for the land and the mystery it provides will carry me through whatever a change is coming. And it might be nothing. Still, though, it seems the depth of my humaness is equal to the depth of the relationship I have with the land. And that's been neglected with 6 day a week mail delivery since the middle of 2023. And it's nothing a few days off or a weeks vacation can remedy. It has to do with lifestyle. Patterns. Habits. A challenge in this modern world we live in. I'm off to deliver mail. I hope you have a great day! Fire 126 2.7.25

Fresh snow on the deck this morning. Maybe two inches. It started falling just after dark last night. I watched it fall through the porch light from the living room. At times it fell hard and fast making me nervous for the day to come. Monday morning I drove to work in the dark in a snowstorm. I couldn't see well. The road was a white mat. No lines, lanes, or edge. The steering has play in my jeep. When I turn it to the left or right it doesn't respond for awhile. There were times I found myself in the other lane of traffic until I discovered I was. Tight steering would've been nice. Thank goodness it was just County E. Which runs straight east and west with little traffic where I drive it. So today I'm going to get an earlier start with the hope the plows have been out. I have snow to sweep off my jeep and a fire to close down. I hope you have a great day. Fire 125 2.6.25

I deliver mail for a wage today. It's easier to get up and go knowing some of that wage will be Bitcoin by the end of the day. #Bitcoin

Someday, they say, the world will be priced in Bitcoin. With the way things are going I think it will be. #Bitcoin