The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

State Achieves Goal Of Having Every Road Under Construction At The Same Time

The Babylon Bee

State Achieves Goal Of Having Every Road Under Construction At The Same Time

JEFFERSON CITY, MO — A celebration broke out in Missouri's capital today after word came in that the state had successfully placed every sin...

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State Achieves Goal Of Having Every Road Under Construction At The Same Time https://t.co/horXBcV3vS

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

12 Women Come Forward Alleging They Were Sexually Assaulted By Whoever Trump’s VP Pick Is

The Babylon Bee

12 Women Come Forward Alleging They Were Sexually Assaulted By Whoever Trump’s VP Pick Is

U.S. — A new wave of controversy erupted as 12 women came forward alleging they had been sexually assaulted by whoever Trump's vice presiden...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Pedophile Jailed For Flashing Kids At Playground Kicking Himself For Not Doing It At Pride Parade Instead

The Babylon Bee

Pedophile Jailed For Flashing Kids At Playground Kicking Himself For Not Doing It At Pride Parade Instead

SEATTLE, WA — A man sitting in state prison for exposing himself to kids at a local playground is kicking himself that he didn't just wait a...

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Pedophile Jailed For Flashing Kids At Playground Kicking Himself For Not Doing It At Pride Parade Instead https://t.co/XoLk2GxhQi

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

USA vs. Canada: A Fair And Unbiased Comparison

The Babylon Bee

USA vs. Canada: A Fair And Unbiased Comparison

Canada: it's that country up to the North. But is it any better than America? Let's take a look at a comprehensive comparison of the two ...

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USA vs. Canada: A Fair And Unbiased Comparison https://t.co/g96e5DlMqP

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Researchers Say They Are Now Over 60% Confident Ohio Exists

The Babylon Bee

Researchers Say They Are Now Over 60% Confident Ohio Exists

U.S. — Researchers reported this week that they are now over 60% confident Ohio exists.

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Researchers Say They Are Now Over 60% Confident Ohio Exists https://t.co/LCwxYZWd5d

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

'It's Not What It Looks Like!' Man Insists After Getting Caught Watching WNBA Game

The Babylon Bee

'It's Not What It Looks Like!' Man Insists After Getting Caught Watching WNBA Game

DALLAS, TX — Sources at the Grady household reported this weekend that Bill Grady scrambled for an explanation when his wife Cara caught him watc...

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'It's Not What It Looks Like!' Man Insists After Getting Caught Watching WNBA Game https://t.co/v1IiiaEFsI

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Pastor Informs Worship Leader It's Inappropriate To Bring Tuba And Lead Congregation In VeggieTales Theme Song

The Babylon Bee

Pastor Informs Worship Leader It's Inappropriate To Bring Tuba And Lead Congregation In VeggieTales Theme Song

CLEVELAND, OH — Congregants at St. James Church report that Pastor Paul Mendoza set an inspiring example of Christian charity and forbearance by ...

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Pastor Informs Worship Leader It's Inappropriate To Bring Tuba And Lead Congregation In VeggieTales Theme Song https://t.co/RrH9CIKkpk

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

The Babylon Bee Has Obtained Trump’s Short List Of Possible VP Picks

The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee Has Obtained Trump’s Short List Of Possible VP Picks

With the Republican presidential primary looking all but wrapped up, attention now turns to who Donald Trump will choose as his vice-presidential r...

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The Babylon Bee Has Obtained Trump’s Short List Of Possible VP Picks https://t.co/eu1hblKcyW

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Trump Preps For Debate Against Biden By Going to Nursing Home And Arguing With Dementia Patients

The Babylon Bee

Trump Preps For Debate Against Biden By Going to Nursing Home And Arguing With Dementia Patients

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — The Trump campaign announced Monday that the former president had begun preparing for his upcoming debate with Joe Biden by...

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Trump Preps For Debate Against Biden By Going to Nursing Home And Arguing With Dementia Patients https://t.co/raS0Uw1ThG

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Thumbs-Up Emoji Man's Sole Contribution To Group Text

The Babylon Bee

Thumbs-Up Emoji Man's Sole Contribution To Group Text

BAKERSFIELD, CA — Local Man Brad Stephens contributed to his family's ongoing group text Monday by sending a thumbs-up emoji.

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Thumbs-Up Emoji Man's Sole Contribution To Group Text https://t.co/OtgIZAMX1L

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Local Teen Experiences Deep Solidarity With Persecuted Believers After Phone Battery Dies

The Babylon Bee

Local Teen Experiences Deep Solidarity With Persecuted Believers After Phone Battery Dies

ATLANTA, GA — A local teenager felt a profound connection with persecuted Christians worldwide today after his phone battery unexpectedly died.

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Local Teen Experiences Deep Solidarity With Persecuted Believers After Phone Battery Dies https://t.co/lu8tD98VTu

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

9 Ways To Spot A Good Potential Future Spouse At Church

The Babylon Bee

9 Ways To Spot A Good Potential Future Spouse At Church

If you're cruising the pews for a husband or wife, there are some helpful tricks to spotting a great future spouse. Here are nine things to lo...

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9 Ways To Spot A Good Potential Future Spouse At Church https://t.co/jzTFntICe3

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Walt Disney Posthumously Fired By Walt Disney Company For Being White Male

The Babylon Bee

Walt Disney Posthumously Fired By Walt Disney Company For Being White Male

BURBANK, CA — In a move intended to show its ongoing commitment to diversity and righting any wrongs of the past, The Walt Disney Company announc...

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Walt Disney Posthumously Fired By Walt Disney Company For Being White Male https://t.co/ykIclLIv5D

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

'What Does OPS Stand For?' Wife Asks, Unaware She Has Just Doomed Herself To 75-Minute Primer On Advanced Baseball Statistics

The Babylon Bee

'What Does OPS Stand For?' Wife Asks, Unaware She Has Just Doomed Herself To 75-Minute Primer On Advanced Baseball Statistics

GREENVILLE, UT — While her husband was watching a baseball game Sunday, local woman Hannah Wendell idly asked her husband, Mark: "What does O...

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'What Does OPS Stand For?' Wife Asks, Unaware She Has Just Doomed Herself To 75-Minute Primer On Advanced Baseball Statistics https://t.co/sU9SckLGiy

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

'It's Just Basketball,' Shrugs Decapitated Caitlin Clark

The Babylon Bee

'It's Just Basketball,' Shrugs Decapitated Caitlin Clark

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Following Angel Reese's recent flagrant foul in the second grudge matchup between the Chicago Sky and the Indiana Fever, ...

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'It's Just Basketball,' Shrugs Decapitated Caitlin Clark https://t.co/1eTETU2FWD

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

World’s Top Scientists Convene In Secret Lab To Develop The Perfect Drug Cocktail For Biden To Make It Through 90-Minute Debate

The Babylon Bee

World’s Top Scientists Convene In Secret Lab To Develop The Perfect Drug Cocktail For Biden To Make It Through 90-Minute Debate

ALBUQUERQUE, NM — Planning for the President's much-anticipated faceoff with Donald Trump began in earnest this week, as a group of the worl...

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World’s Top Scientists Convene In Secret Lab To Develop The Perfect Drug Cocktail For Biden To Make It Through 90-Minute Debate https://t.co/fv2e...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

12 Leaked Questions From CNN’s Upcoming Presidential Debate

The Babylon Bee

12 Leaked Questions From CNN’s Upcoming Presidential Debate

With the first 2024 presidential debate right around the corner, the public is eager to find out what topics will be covered and what questions the...

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12 Leaked Questions From CNN’s Upcoming Presidential Debate https://t.co/Iicepm0rZi

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

God Disappointed By Lack Of Eloquence In Five-Year-Old's Prayer

The Babylon Bee

God Disappointed By Lack Of Eloquence In Five-Year-Old's Prayer

REDDING, CA — Heavenly sources indicate God was shocked and appalled by the lack of eloquence in the prayer of local five-year-old Danny Roberts.

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God Disappointed By Lack Of Eloquence In Five-Year-Old's Prayer https://t.co/lSHkbHrTRe

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

AOC Joins Hamas

The Babylon Bee

AOC Joins Hamas

GAZA — Sources close to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez say that the former American congresswoman has joined the Palestinian Islamic political and mili...

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AOC Joins Hamas https://t.co/Rx9oNDFYYP

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Commandments Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools

The Babylon Bee

10 Commandments Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools

In the wake of Louisiana's conflation of Church and State by mandating that the Ten Commandments be posted in every classroom, Democrats offer...

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10 Commandments Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools https://t.co/X1ykDfKgjU