The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Commandments Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools

The Babylon Bee

10 Commandments Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools

In the wake of Louisiana's conflation of Church and State by mandating that the Ten Commandments be posted in every classroom, Democrats offer...

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10 Commandments Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools https://t.co/X1ykDfKgjU

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Scientists Torn On Whether To Blame Heat Wave On Climate Change, Trump, Or White Supremacy

The Babylon Bee

Scientists Torn On Whether To Blame Heat Wave On Climate Change, Trump, Or White Supremacy

U.S. — As a spike of higher temperatures prepared to sweep across the United States this week, scientists were torn on whether to blame the heat ...

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Scientists Torn On Whether To Blame Heat Wave On Climate Change, Trump, Or White Supremacy https://t.co/O0ERxvFyVA

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Report: Go To Church You Heathen

The Babylon Bee

Report: Go To Church You Heathen

WORLD—According to a breaking news report, you should go to church, you insolent heathen. The report, released this morning, which is Sunday,...

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Report: Go To Church You Heathen https://t.co/BfNDwzlkyb

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

'I Thought I Invited Comedians,' Says Confused Pope After Stephen Colbert Shows Up

The Babylon Bee

'I Thought I Invited Comedians,' Says Confused Pope After Stephen Colbert Shows Up

VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis welcomed over a hundred comedians to the Vatican Friday but became confused when he saw Stephen Colbert enter the room.

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'I Thought I Invited Comedians,' Says Confused Pope After Stephen Colbert Shows Up https://t.co/IYv5ZlNSQ0

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Sad: Chicago Mayor Has No One To Award Reparations To Because Everyone Got Murdered

The Babylon Bee

Sad: Chicago Mayor Has No One To Award Reparations To Because Everyone Got Murdered

CHICAGO, IL — In a tragic turn of events, Mayor Brandon Johnson's planned Chicago Reparations Program had to be abandoned after it turned ou...

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Sad: Chicago Mayor Has No One To Award Reparations To Because Everyone Got Murdered https://t.co/5nziWCXYmA

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Man Who Transitioned To Woman Just To Avoid The Draft Feeling Pretty Foolish About Now

The Babylon Bee

Man Who Transitioned To Woman Just To Avoid The Draft Feeling Pretty Foolish About Now

SEATTLE, WA — Local man Harry Bonds had chopped his balls off and changed his name to "Maxxine" to avoid the draft, only to find out that...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Man Who Transitioned To Woman Just To Avoid The Draft Feeling Pretty Foolish About Now https://t.co/e2eDsJIQYF

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

9 Classic Star Wars Scenes Disney Is Editing To Add Pronouns

The Babylon Bee

9 Classic Star Wars Scenes Disney Is Editing To Add Pronouns

Brace yourselves, Star Wars fans! Your favorite franchise is going through yet another round of revisions to create new editions, but not in the wa...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

9 Classic Star Wars Scenes Disney Is Editing To Add Pronouns https://t.co/5rSvaNRuTV

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Trump Polling At 100% After Hosts Warn He Would Cancel 'The View'

The Babylon Bee

Trump Polling At 100% After Hosts Warn He Would Cancel 'The View'

U.S. — Former President Trump has suddenly skyrocketed to 100% in the polls after host Joy Behar warned that Trump would ban The View from televi...

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Trump Polling At 100% After Hosts Warn He Would Cancel 'The View' https://t.co/1lcSG1NpxO

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Woman Stirs Just Long Enough To Click 'I’m Still Watching' On Netflix

The Babylon Bee

Woman Stirs Just Long Enough To Click 'I’m Still Watching' On Netflix

PAMPA, TX — Local woman Sydney Badeen stirred this evening after four hours of absolute stillness, just long enough to click "I'm still ...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Woman Stirs Just Long Enough To Click 'I’m Still Watching' On Netflix https://t.co/B3DNjS0vMJ

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Obama Panics As His Biden Remote Control Loses Connection

The Babylon Bee

Obama Panics As His Biden Remote Control Loses Connection

LOS ANGELES, CA — The most powerful man in America was forced to deal with an unexpected emergency last night, with former President Barack Obama...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Obama Panics As His Biden Remote Control Loses Connection https://t.co/2RCjnWEh1s

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Ladies: Here Are 9 Easy Ways To Comfort Your Man When His Favorite Sports Team Loses

The Babylon Bee

Ladies: Here Are 9 Easy Ways To Comfort Your Man When His Favorite Sports Team Loses

Nothing can send an otherwise well-adjusted man into a sudden tailspin of depression quite like his favorite sports team losing. Ladies, here are n...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Street Signs And Why They Are Homophobic

The Babylon Bee

10 Street Signs And Why They Are Homophobic

News made the rounds over the weekend that LGBTQ activists celebrated the removal of "No U-Turn" signs in Los Angeles, leaving many people ...

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10 Street Signs And Why They Are Homophobic https://t.co/P9b5tPPcy8

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Texas Children’s Hospital CEO Denies Wrongdoing

The Babylon Bee

Texas Children’s Hospital CEO Denies Wrongdoing

HOUSTON, TX — After a second whistleblower revealed evidence of Texas Children's Hospital illegally performing sex-change procedures on youn...

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Texas Children’s Hospital CEO Denies Wrongdoing https://t.co/o1Vq2gpW8A

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Kamala Harris Receives Honorary Degree From Clown College

The Babylon Bee

Kamala Harris Receives Honorary Degree From Clown College

U.S. — Vice President Kamala Harris was honored with an honorary degree from America's premier clown college Wednesday for her hard work clo...

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Kamala Harris Receives Honorary Degree From Clown College https://t.co/pxgDwHhe9A

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

8 Domestic Terror Plots That Were Actually Orchestrated By The FBI

The Babylon Bee

8 Domestic Terror Plots That Were Actually Orchestrated By The FBI

Recent revelations have confirmed that the FBI was the one who organized the attempted kidnapping of Governor Gretchen Whitmer. But did you know th...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

8 Domestic Terror Plots That Were Actually Orchestrated By The FBI https://t.co/r99w1xu1bX

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

California Dad Warns Kid If He Doesn't Study Hard He'll End Up Homeless With Free Luxury Room And Vodka Shots

The Babylon Bee

California Dad Warns Kid If He Doesn't Study Hard He'll End Up Homeless With Free Luxury Room And Vodka Shots

LOS ANGELES, CA — With the opening of a new opulent high-rise for the city's transient population, a California dad took a moment to warn hi...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

California Dad Warns Kid If He Doesn't Study Hard He'll End Up Homeless With Free Luxury Room And Vodka Shots https://t.co/HkajM4rzyU

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

DOJ Opens New Tipline For Criminals To Report Whistleblowers

The Babylon Bee

DOJ Opens New Tipline For Criminals To Report Whistleblowers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Merrick Garland announced Thursday that the DOJ has opened a brand new tipline that criminals could call to r...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

DOJ Opens New Tipline For Criminals To Report Whistleblowers https://t.co/ARN5JCngHl

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Catholics, Protestants Can't Wait Til The Left Is Defeated So They Can Get Back To Fighting Each Other

The Babylon Bee

Catholics, Protestants Can't Wait Til The Left Is Defeated So They Can Get Back To Fighting Each Other

STEUBENVILLE, OH — Roman Catholics and Protestants across America released a joint statement that reveals how much they look forward to defeating...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Catholics, Protestants Can't Wait Til The Left Is Defeated So They Can Get Back To Fighting Each Other https://t.co/txeidcCUnc

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

White House Asks Migrants To Hold Off On Raping And Murdering Any More Americans Until After Election

The Babylon Bee

White House Asks Migrants To Hold Off On Raping And Murdering Any More Americans Until After Election

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the presidential race heating up for the summer campaign season, the White House asked migrants to hold off on raping and...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

White House Asks Migrants To Hold Off On Raping And Murdering Any More Americans Until After Election https://t.co/U5oZ3XVFrd

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

‘Keep Religion Out Of Our Schools,’ Says Teacher With BLM, Pride Flags In Classroom

The Babylon Bee

‘Keep Religion Out Of Our Schools,’ Says Teacher With BLM, Pride Flags In Classroom

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Following Louisiana's recent addition of the Ten Commandments to school classrooms, sources close to George Floyd Elementa...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

‘Keep Religion Out Of Our Schools,’ Says Teacher With BLM, Pride Flags In Classroom https://t.co/zGgho52aS3