You can replace your 3 year olds dick with a flamethrower for all me care but you better not but that brace on that gun, it's illegal and we can shoot you for doing it.

Happy Gay Month to all American citizens who are following our ever changing guidelines, We recommend checking the guidelines every 25 mins to make sure you stay in line.

Legally harassing people is a perk of my line of work 😁

My knee is not having a good day, I don't even know what I did to it.

My boss told me if I neutralize 4 dogs, 3 children and 2 adults this quarter that I will get a raise 😁

So I just found out that you can sue someone for doing a simple prank, literally all we did was boot your door in shoot 3 of your family members and found out we were at the wrong address... it's just a prank relax, there is no need to use anymone. people are so dramatic.

We got to try out some of our new toys a few hours ago at a small farm house in the middle of no where, it's not really as fun as just burning down the building or just kicking the door in and harming people in their homes but C-4 does a number on a building that's all im allowed to say. I was going to put the C-4 on one of the dogs but my commanding officer said no... such a buzzkill.

All we want is to see your 3D printed guns we swear.

Happy Mother's Day! Would be ashame if momma didn't make it out alive when we raid huh.

We got some cool new toys at HQ today, can't wait to see what they do to unarmed citizens and household pets.

Just burned down a families house, might go on national news and talk about how I saved America later.

We do what we do because if we reach our quota (X amount of dogs killed, X amount of homes raided and so on) Joe Biden said he won't molest our children.

I fell asleep at my desk and had a dream that someone said pistol brace and it scared me so bad I jumped up and started blasting just to be safe... We are hiring now!