#dreamstr This one is long.
For the past two weeks I've had reoccurring dreams. Nightmares? Idk. It doesn't feel scary, although it has been stressful and I've not felt well rested throughout this duration.
It always starts deep in the woods, and I walk down the steps of a wide old well. This part seems really similar to the steps the girl walks down in Pan's Labyrinth, the Initiatic Well at Quinta da Regaleira.
As I approach the bottom, I can hear unsettling clicking and clacking. I realize the noise is coming from a large creature there, but it was not Pan as dipicted in that movie. This monster was an amalgamation. His feet were rock. He had three sets of arms, the bottom set was thorny like the branches of a black locust tree; the middle set were like the legs of a deer with split hooves; only the top set of arms were human arms. The hands were very big, fat, and dirty. His head was like the Aliens in the Independence Day movies.
As I approach it, he talks to me, but in my head. He doesn't have a voice and my ears only hear clicking and clacking. But he talks to me.
Each night he asks me if I'm afraid of him. I say no, didn't I come down here willingly to hang out with him? He thinks I am funny. I tell him his appearance is a bit unsettling like the Jötunn in the movie The Ritual. He picks me up like in that movie and says with a chuckle, "no heart of a coward here."
A few times I asked him his name. He said I should know better, that's a rude question there. And meaningless besides, because names can change as much as appearances. He is best identified by a certain vibration, like a song that came out of his bones. I couldn't pronounce it so it didn't much matter and I stopped asking.
Then he puts his hands on my shoulder to guide me deeper into the caves at the bottom of the well. I could feel the pokes and pricks from his thorny stick hands, the short fur on his deer hands, and his human hands were hot and dirty. His human hands kept on trying to touch my face. I didn't like that and kept firmly setting that boundary like no face touching my dude. He thought that was funny too.
Deep enough in these caves the organic matter of soil and moss stop, and I could hear his stone feet scraping the stone cave floor as he dragged his feet. The first one we went to was flooded. As the water got up to my waist I did start feeling afraid, and I told him so that I was afraid of the water (I am a bad swimmer and have nearly drowned several times). He thought this was funniest of all and gave a laugh.
"Good. That is a rational thing to be afraid of." He then proceeded to hold me under the water while I struggled and kicked until I finally gave up and breathed in the water. Instead of dying, he pulled me up and I just sputtered back to life.
He was very pleased with me and said something like, "and so a tempered sword is doused." I wasn't upset with him but rather had the attitude of "thank you sir may I have another".
Each dream he would put me through something is different, but each would surely kill me in real life and didn't in this place. What I found interesting was that each ordeal felt like a failure of breathing. When there was a firey explosion I breathed in the heat; when he buried me in soil I breathed in the dirt; when he had a stalagmite impale me my lungs sort of seized and failed around the intruding rock. Like the breath itself was what mattered the most.
A few days ago I went into the well as usual and met him again. This time I felt a bit impatient. I told him I wasn't particularly interested in being a sword, I wanted to just be a girl. I asked him if he got bored of this nonsense over and over again every night. He seemed confused, as if he didn't know what else he would do if he wasn't causing fear. I said let's take a break and have some fun today instead.
So that time I took his hand and guided him up a different set of stairs. These eventually led to a cave at the beach. We went out and played in the sunshine and the surf and it was a great time for both of us. At one point I laid down on the hot sand to enjoy the sunshine. He sat down next to me and as he did something in him shivered and wavered, it seemed to me as if that vibration song from his bones changed. As if his true name changed in that moment. He laid down with a sigh and seemed very tired but very happy.
The next two nights I went down into the well but couldn't find him. There were some things lurking in back corners but it wasn't him, and they minded their own business as I minded mine. I felt mildly worried about him, but I think of the last time I saw him and how happy he seemed. I hope he's out there having a good time 💖
Last night was the first night in a while I didn't go into the well at all. I didn't dream. I slept for almost 12 hours it was glorious. I think maybe that story arc in my subconscious has reached a conclusion.
