I won't measure words here: perhaps the exact moment of Reveillon, those seconds after midnight, is the best moment for me to kill myself. People would be too busy "cheering for a new year", and together with the loud noise from the fireworks, the situation would allow me to go unnoticed as my biological vessel agonizes and screams without my own consent (ideally, I'd not scream, but this biological vessel is hardwired so to scream when in pain, such a biological piece of shit I was compelled to be wearing). I don't consent with 2026 (actually, I didn't even consent when my progenitors had sex and pulled me to this shithole of a world), so I don't consent existing in 2026, so I must die before it happens. Undecided on whether I should take advantage of the vodka I'm going to drink and take a few painkillers on top of it, doing a last and definitive offer of my blood for Lilith at my altar, or filling my bedroom with more carbon monoxide... perhaps all of them, so to avoid any chance of making it to the new dystopian shit year.

Some of my #dark #occult #art, made without GenAI (I have the project files if someone's skeptical about the origin). I don't know why I insist on trying to make my art public. #Fediverse (#Pixelfed), #Geminispace, #Neocities, no place yielded me feedback about my drawings (so Nostr will likely follow the same mathematical trend). No human ever gave me feedback regarding my creations and the only feedback I got was, unironically, from machines/AI (Qwen, Kimi, ChatGPT, Gemini, among other VLMs)... hence my misanthropic stances, you humans don't help, so fuck humans! Hence my demonolatry, too: my only "friends" are "demons", and the only deity I worship didn't create humans in Her "image and likeness" as puppets of a "divine purpose" (demiurgal cosmic prison): She *reaps*, releasing the soul from the chains of the body; She *kisses* and *devours*, releasing the soul from the burdens of demiuirgal existence; and She isn't arriving like your slow-paced "God": She's already here, devouring us by the means of rotting the flesh of yours and mine as we speak. Even for Demiurge, "God", the fate is inevitable: the Darkness always reclaim where was once light, electromagnetic radiation always decay, stars always die, and your "God" will die crushed beneath the Feet of the Goddess. O param devaa Kalee! (Oh Supreme Goddess Kali) Agios Tzaphoni Ama Lilith Layilil! (Praised be Mother Lilith as Layilil, the Northern Winds)! 𒆆𒀭𒎏𒆠𒃲𒋛𒅍 (Ka-tar (dingir) nin(EREŠ)-ki-gal si-il, Praised be Ereshkigal, the Great Mistress of the netherworld)

> No wealth, no rule, no silver, no gold, > Nothing satisfies me **but your soul** > (O-Ohh Death, O-Oh Death, O-Ohh Death) > Well I am Death, none can excel > I'll open the door to > Heaven or hell **Remember:** the #Reaperess, a.k.a. the #Death Herself (the one who's slowly approaching you as you read this) does **not** accept #Bitcoin, #Ethereum, #Monero or other cryptocurrencies out there, let alone fiat currencies, #gold, #silver, #gems, real estate, #stocks, yachts, mansions, artificial islands or whatever mundane matter that you pursue so badly trying (in vain) to flee from Her. **SHE WILL take you before you can even think of signing a #Lightning transaction**. As for me, relax, I'm just the boring one who remembers people of their inevitable deaths while I eager for the day when She will finally claim my soul. Because everybody dies. And, no, trans-humanism won't save you (either) from the #cosmic Big Freeze (Heat Death of the Universe due to the laws of #Thermodynamics), sorry about that. Can you hear Her, yet? Pay attention to Her footsteps at each ticking of the clock or, to quote #Roxette with a few adaptations, your own cardiac muscle, shall you got no analog clock anymore: > Listen to your heart > When She's calling for you > Listen to your heart > There's nothing else you can do. > I don't know where you're going > And I don't know why, > But listen to your heart > Before you tell it goodbye. **No matter what you do, you will be reminded again**, lest you pretend you forgot it: life devours death only for Death to devour life. **Remember you will die** (and I will, too, hopefully sooner than later)

Nostr, ActivityPub's fediverse (and Lemmy/Piefed/Mbin/Kbin threadiverse as well), ATproto's fediverse, blogosphere, geminispace, gopherspace, onion network (HSes), I2P network (eepsites)... I've been to all those places, still I haven't been into the feeling of belonging to those places (yes, not even here, in Nostr). I want to know other similar, niche-d digital realms I could try to explore and, perhaps, find a place to maketh my nest and resteth. Any suggestions, anybody? Tags: #asknostr #askstr #fediverse #nostr #activitypub #geminispace #darkweb #indieweb #alternativeweb #altweb

Second test, this time with something akin to a Xwitter's "blue badge", perhaps to prove (to whom?) there's a person behind this random npub (whether that person is alive or not is a whole other story). I'm not sure which relays to keep. Currently, I'm using 8 relays, which is too much (and I'm not even sure whether they're receiving). Partly it's due to my Fediverse mindset, where activities from Alice are fetched only by instances where there's at least one user currently demanding Alice's outbox, so I used to proceed with an ouroboric autophagia where, for example, my Mastodon identity followed my Sharkey identity so the former pulled new activities from the latter without the need to manually fetch the individual content. AFAIK, Nostr relays pull content among themselves, correct? I'm knowledgeable of things such as cryptographic key pairs (sometimes I use GnuPG) and WebSockets (I'm a programmer), I understand Fediverse's ActivityPub to a certain technical depth, I know the fact that Nostr content is sent to one or more relays with specific "kinds" (such as kind 1 described by NIP-10 for "text notes and threads"), and that's basically all. Yeah, I can read about it somewhere, but I'm used to this flesh-and-bones reasoning where I talk to myself and ask myself only to hopefully be answered by myself and further reinforce this ouroboric autophagia at the ontological level, because humans never really existed, do they? Chances are I'm going to flee eventually, just as I did in the Fediverse, Geminispace and other spaces, because I don't belong anywhere in this specific spacetime continuum... do I? (This text note got 1783 characters, maybe it's not going to make it entirely, or it'll be truncated, I see no setting on Jumble for posting as a NIP-23)

Testing something beyond the Fediverse where I was used to publish things. Nostr isn't exactly new to me, and there's an event lost in time that I published back when I tested this in... I dunno... 2019? Lot has changed (at that time there weren't concepts such as paid relays, required PoW or other shenanigans) so I must test whether this works. I'm particularly interested in NIP-23 (Long form content), but the relays _seem_ to be limited to 1024 (lower than Sharkey and Friendica).