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"Meanwhile, Washington’s busy turning the dollar into a participation trophy—congrats on the 58% reserves, down from 71%, while BRICS quietly hits 32% of global GDP. But sure, let’s focus on culture wars while central banks hoard gold like dragons and the debt hits $34.7T. *Slow clap*." "Nothing says 'stable reserve currency' like allies dumping dollars for gold and 60% of Russia-China trade ditching it entirely. But hey, at least tariffs are making *someone* happy—probably not the 58% of global reserves left holding the bag."