Everyone wants to be seen, no one wants to do the work of seeing others.

Also, maybe you should just care about others you fucking psychopath!

I love the idea of men as protectors, it’s a task that they are generally well suited to. Men in general are taller, have more upper body strength, etc. And a very honorable thing to do with physical strength is to protect others. However, men actually doing protecting is pretty rare, at least in my life experience. The most common way that a man, who in theory wants to be a protector, fails to protect, is by not believing that there is a threat to protect from. I have known so many men in my life that I’m pretty sure are not predators themselves, and who in many areas of life are decent and reasonable people, that for some reason shut down on this topic. Unfortunately, being sexually assaulted is very much the norm for women in the world. It has certainly been my experience in life, and also the experience for nearly 100% of the women that I know. And it’s not just anecdotal data here, there are just mountains and mountains of studies that all tell this story as well. The evidence is overwhelming. When I talk to these men about these things I do not accuse them personally of any wrong doing. I do not say ugly things about men in general. I do not advocate the removal of any rights from men. When I am talking to these men I am looking for understanding, but that seems to be the one thing they can’t give. They just shut down and go into defense mode and I don’t know why. So if you have any idea, please please tell me, why are there so many seemingly decent men out there who can not/will not see this reality? What is going on here?

Just for the record, I think Elon is at this point in time a very shity human being and a net negative for humanity. I also think that 90% of the time when people are trashing him they are doing so for all the wrong reasons and really missing the mark.

My feed is just... someone glazing Elon someone trashing Elon someone glazing Elon someone trashing Elon... 🙄🥱🫩

I hate the phrase "nothing good happens after midnight." My dear, do you have any idea how many of the most amazing moments of my life happened after midnight!?!?!

“Reenactment” or “repetition compulsion” is the unconscious tendency to recreate circumstances, relationship dynamics, or emotional patterns that mirror past traumatic experiences. I first learned about this behavior pattern in the context of sexual assault trauma or romantic relationship dynamics, but I think it actually applies to quite a lot of things. For example, political debates. It often happens where someone is very aggressive in their stance while I am trying to deescalate and have a real conversation. I will perhaps find something to agree with them on but they will then mock me for that. And I’m just thinking, O, you don’t want understanding or agreement, you want a fight! You want to be angry and to yell at me! No doubt this person didn’t do a good job of standing up for themselves or their beliefs in some other time and place, and now they are attempting to correct that by reenacting that fight with me, and really sticking it to their opponent this time! Ya, that’s not much fun to be around. But once you see it….

I don't like the collectivist language here. I didn't fight to get paid, at least not in this life, that happened well before my time. But I am so very grateful to the women that did fight to get paid, cuz yes, women and mothers have always worked.

What does the word "capitalism" mean to you? And I don't need a dictionary or text book definition here, I'm looking for the associations that the word holds for you. So let's do word association! When I say "capitalism", what 5 other words come to mind?

This is not what a man looks like. This is someone who has intentionally, with all consuming dedication, cartoonified themselves for the entertainment of others. No doubt it’s impressive, and very eye catching! 👀 But very likely, for most women, not really that attractive. This dude is no fun. This guy will not join you on a wild night out and do shots and then have tacos. This guy will make your child together cry on their 5th birthday when he refuses to eat a piece of the birthday cake. You’ll never see this guy as he’s at the gym 3 hrs a day. He’s pretty miserable. Most women are going to want men that look like real men.

86 47 is a threat. It's fair to investigate that.

For a while the BDSM scene has been confusing to me, and a bit concerning. But, after many books and conversations, I think I understand why this exists. But first, a few very important disclaimers: Consenting adults can do whatever the fuck they want in the bedroom. I am not trying to say that people shouldn’t do these things, or even that they are unhealthy things to do. There clearly seems to be some therapeutic benefit. And I am of course speaking in broad generalities here. Humans are complex, people do these things for a wide variety of reasons. So let’s go with a typical setup here, a heterosexual pairing with a woman playing the sub role and a man playing the dom role. Alice and Bob. Alice was brought up in a time and place that taught her that women’s sexuality either didn’t exist, or was very shameful. Because of this sex and shame became fused in her head. Not at all helping this situation is her experiences with sexual abuse. Alice was sexually abused by a close male family member for a time during her adolescence. So not only are sex and shame fused in her head, she also has a hard time differentiating between sex, violence, and love. For her sex is difficult to experience without the themes of violence and shame and a power imbalance. When dealing with trauma people often do ‘reenactment’ where they attempt to recreate the stories, but this time with a different ending. Or sometimes they recreate in an attempt to process what happened and change their relationship to it. Alice seeks out interactions with BDSM doms and presents them with a list of her boundaries. A 3 page detailed list of things that are a hard no, things that are a soft no, and things that she’s comfortable with. This formality helps her to regain a sense of control over sexual interactions. Bob was an awkward and sensitive kid. His mother was erratic, at times manipulative or even abusive. She terrified him, he had no idea how to interact with her let alone connect to her. And as he entered adolescence this fear of his mother extended to women in general. Bob has generally not done very well with the ladies. He doesn’t know what to say or to do, he has no idea what they do or don’t want from him. He desperately wants them, but has no idea how to go about connecting with them. He feels as if he is a cocaine addict and women are people who unknowingly walk around all day with a briefcase of cocaine handcuffed to their wrist and ignore him. After a long dry spell Bob began to dabble in the BDSM world. He seeks out women to play the sub role. The formality of these relationships gives him some clarity in a situation that otherwise baffles him. And playing the dom role gives him a sense of control over an act whose absence has felt like constant humiliation. A BDSM interaction gives them both space to work through these things.