Goodbye nostr

Feeling frisky. Might buy a house today. Time to upgrade the citadel

I considered quitting nostr. I considered just creating a personal (real name) account and dropping this one. I considered converting this one to my real name. Ultimately I deeply fear rejection. A deep sense of worthlessness. Of feeling hated. I've seen hate here pointed in my direction. Having been told I "add no value" by a certain user, it caused a wonderful agony. For that I'm grateful. Self hatred. The part of the ego that cannot be overcome, but must be embraced. I've said some dumb stuff on this profile. I also feel attachment to some profound moments I've recorded here. Even if it's just screaming into the void. Oh what to do. #asknostr

I cannot let go. It's not me that can do the letting go.

Negative vibes are a poison. Avoid those who have not learnt to see their own beliefs for what they are. Self hatred.

A wall of doubt. An unfathomable chasm of fear. A rage so primal it has no words. There is no violence at its core. Its before action. Its before thought. Unbearable ringing in my ears. Nothing is happening.

@Minibits I've had a pending (send) transaction since July... It's stuck! How do I recover it?

I used to be an athlete at international level. Now I'm older I have injuries I will never recover from but can only manage. 2024 has been a year where it all finally caught up to this body. It was a gift. Running again. Calisthenics. Yoga. A lifetime of sport has given this body the ability to ramp up surprisingly quickly, even now in middle age. Finally I can train without anger. Without ego.

Religion is designed to prevent you from reaching realisation. How hilarious. How wonderful.

Its so obvious the word "cat" isn't a cat. And yet you still believe you exist? Can't you see the joke? Vaporware. That's all you are. You're scamming yourself. The veil is wafer thin. Less. It doesn't exist. Pass through the gateless gate. Puff! You're gone. What remains? Look! A cat!

One, not two. Happy anniversary my love. To you, from me. Who?

Sitting in silent withdrawl. Coffee Sugar Attention Searching Think i'll play with searching today. I search to look for emotional stability. I search to look for emotional approval I search to avoid the unfound I search for attention I search for...

People think children grow out of having an imaginary friend. That's not true. You are your own imaginary friend. How are you treating yourself, my love? Wake up. It's all a dream.

I'm enjoying the silence of not following anyone. It's liberating. I prefer it like this. This is how Nostr should be...No. This is how it has always been. The silence. Just more unfathomable silence. #nonduality

I've had tight hips for as long as I can remember. I never knew what it was until I started doing deep emotional work. It literally put my back out. Sometimes, when I sit quietly and go deep, I realise how much pain my hips are constantly in. I was a very, very unhappy child.

Words are laughably bad at describing reality. Stop and see. Stop and listen. I bet you can't.

The ego is a clenched sphincter.

The only reason I like driving to work is to meditate while driving. I've done some deep emotional work while stuck in traffic. A few weeks ago I lost my sense of self while contemplating my wife's ability to lose things. #nonduality #spirituality #religion #prayer

If you don't understand but your first reaction is to reject an idea or person with the idea, you may be afflicted with being a German.

The one thing you really want. Really fucking want. All of you. Is freedom. Freedom from suffering. The one thing standing in your way, is the belief that you are standing in your way. The belief you exist The belief that there is something in the way The deep desire to not look at your deepest emotions and thoughts and see them for what they are.