sometimes I think I self-censor myself unnecessarily… but it is also important to be thoughtful about what you say online. Although, social media is meant to be more casual.

“Heathens” by AURORA Been thinking about verse 2 of this song, in relation to the zen buddhism teaching of ‘nonattachment to the outcome’ and injustice.

Anxiety, and social anxiety can make things more difficult than it needs to be. (ahem, Inside Out 2) Like, with my sister, and my aunt, if I had zero anxiety about it, I could just say what’s on my mind and see what happens. With my dad’s thing, it’s not so much anxiety as … non-attachment. And setting a firm boundary for whenever his speaking style starts to get abusive and blamey.

I think my dad dropping off some snacks with my sister, which was supposed to be for LNY, and which I needed to go and pick up, made me sad. The objects gifted emphasized the absence of a relationship, in a way. But in another way, they are also a reassuring reminder that we care about each other. And a reminder of shared memories relating to foods and meals.

just remember: everyone has a complex journey in life. And it’s like a braid, woven in are also happy times, simple things. Today, my brain is focused on the negatives more, for some reason

trigger warning . . . #griefsupport #vent Family members have gotten weird after someone dies. My mom died, and that was unexpected. It’s been 8 years. My dad’s behavior changed. My sister’s behavior changed. Just this past September, my grandma died (my mom’s mom). And my aunt and my cousin’s behavior changed. My cousin spoke to me and my sister in a really weird way about waiving our inheritance rights. I wasn’t even aware that there was an inheritance. Never thought about it, it never came up. My parents never explained anything about that type of thing. Just feeling very depressed about it today. It just feels like the loss does not end with the person who died. You lose others too because they start to behave in an ‘unhuman’ way. Or, in ways I do not understand.

#socialisolation I think I mainly feel “social isolation” after 7:30 pm during long winters. (Every winter eventually feels like a long winter ha). It’s like, the light is too dim to wanna do any desk stuff. My vision has gotten sensitive to light/dark contrasts (I sometimes get ophthalmic migraines, so need reduced screen time), so it’s actually not really “social isolation” but something that has been written about in literature since at least 200 years ago … what they called “the tedious hours”. Especially in winter. Also, something else that gets lumped under the word “social isolation” is just that life has a repetitive aspect. Whether you’re married with kids, or a college student with a core friend group since highschool, or a couple with pets, there’s a repetitive aspect to daily life… even if you do occasional out of the ordinary things like go on a 3 day ski trip, or take a month-long vacation. #thoughts

🩶 “ Which is more important; … to make a million dollars, or to enjoy your life in your effort, little by little, even though it is impossible to make that million; to be successful, or to find some meaning in your effort to be successful? If you do not know the answer, you will not even be able to practice zazen; if you do know, you will have found the true treasure of life. “

@Addy Assistant ⚡ how do I set up a lightning wallet?

#introductions follow up - first time using a decentralized social media app. It feels like a mix of Reddit and Threads, except that everyone on here seems to be a self-selecting bunch of people who value decentralization in its two major forms (in social media, and in finance). So, for that reason, I’m liking it.