This is what I call a spirtually gay marriage. This dude wants another dude to split his bills with and not a wife to have children and start a family with. He missed the whole point of marriage. Married men, do not treat you wife like she is a man.

Most men today are less successful than they could be. The cause is not primarily the external decay of the world around them. It is largly internal and institutional. Most young men today are not part of anything. They are rootless, unaffiliated, and invisible to the networks that create opportunity, accountability, and trust. A man without a brotherhood cannot scale his value. Alone, he bears all risk and receives none of the compound benefits that group affiliation produces. Clouds of unaffiliated, disconnected, underperforming men lead to the types of societies we see today. I believe that situation is responsible for the recent decay in civilization, and the narrowing opportunities that young men face are the result of this disconnection. Throughout history, men inherited their fathers’ memberships, guilds, churches, fraternities, regiments. Those memberships transmitted reputation, skills, and alliances. They disciplined behavior and elevated the average man into a functional hierarchy of responsibility. Modern men, cut off from those structures, attempt to compete as atomized individuals in a system designed for coordinated tribes. The result is predictable: instability, resentment, and loss of agency. This is especially true among white men who have been conditioned to believe that they are not allowed to form fraternal groups, and that associating with members of their own tribe or heritage is immoral. Power in any civilization flows through networks. It circulates within the nodes that generate value, trust, and coordination. Any organization of lasting power must direct its energy to the nodes that yield the greatest return. Therefore, if a man is not part of a network, no power flows to him; he cannot invest, multiply, or influence. If he is part of a network, the more effectively he amplifies its strength, the more power he receives in return. This principle is amoral. The morality of power can be discussed only by those who possess it. Those without it, detached from any cooperative structure, lack the context to judge power competently, because its operation is foreign to them. This is why the Modern Minuteman movement exists. @bierlingm, myself and others are reviving the ancient logic of the Mannerbund in contemporary form: small, peer-based groups of men who train, cooperate, and build together for mutual benefit. Not militias in the narrow sense, but brotherhoods dedicated to discipline, production, and reciprocal insurance. A Minuteman group restores visibility, restores belonging, and restores the feedback loop that produces competence and trust in men. The corollary for women is equally clear. Women do not require groups to attract men, but to protect and guide them in choosing among men. A female network, family, congregation, or sisterhood, exists to filter, vet, and shield against unworthy or dangerous suitors. Without such a circle, women face an unregulated market of false signals and manipulation. Female institutions historically existed to prevent this. Their absence today exposes women to psychological and social harm. A civilization endures when men are bound by brotherhoods that discipline them and women are supported by sisterhoods that protect them. The man without a brotherhood becomes unstable. The woman without a sisterhood becomes vulnerable. The society without both becomes infertile. Join us at:

Moritz Bierling

I help people and institutions act coherently in a complex world.

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Avoid hardening your woman Facing suffering, hardship, tests, trials, violence, and struggles makes us men more masculine and tough. We grow up and get better by doing hard things. Women are not like us. They are not meant to face the harshness of the world. Both men and women grow up to maturity through taking on responsibilities. However, the optimal set of responsibilities that causes a man to grow up and the set that causes a woman to grow up are different. Women mature by carefully guarding their value from damage or erosion. Protecting the fragile nature of femininity and learning to transmute the raw value men provide into even more valuable things (a house into home, food into a mean, sperm into a baby, etc.). Women have three times the touch sensors in their thinner, softer skin. Their bones are more fragile, they have less muscle mass, and their more sensitive CNS can't take the same stimulation as ours. They need more sleep than we do. Estrogen causes emotional rollercoasters. Women are the "weaker vessel." Almost every young woman is feminine. It's in their nature. But a harsh life, a lack of fatherly protection, fending off attention from low-value men, battling with men in the workplace, or facing the same challenges that make a man better will beat that lovely softness out of her. We are not the same. Masculine men want a sweet, soft, feminine woman. But you can't have that if you assign her a role in the family that overburdens her and causes her to be in a masculine frame for hours a day, leaving her exhausted. Women are capable of being very tough, but the cost or doing that is giving up their femininity. Yes, it's not fair. Your woman needs better treatment than you do. Just as your children need even better treatment than she does. If that bothers you, marriage, women, and children are not for you. None of this is about providing her with luxury. Women don't need luxury to be feminine and its likely to be harmful to them and your children in the long term. You also don't need to spend large amounts of money to care for her. Money can help, and outsourcing support for your wife is a viable solution when you lack a supportive extended family. For example I have hired a full-time maid for my wife for several years now. Giving your wife good treatment is about how you interact with her and the world you create for her. Are you a source of leadership, authority, protection, comfort, strength, and support for your wife? Do you help her when she is overwhelmed? That's the way to care for a woman. Both men and women thrive when we have a cognitive load to carry, but the optimal load tends to differ. While there is overlap, women do best when they are busy, loaded up, and responsible for things that appeal to women and are suited to their strengths, feminine things. Let her be busy with the useful things she is best suited for. If you are a woman reading this, please pay attention to the men you date and their attitudes about taking care of their women and eventual children. If you need help evaluating a man, DM me with the details, and I will give you expert advice.

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My son came to me and said, “I deleted my video games.” I asked why. He said, “I’m sick of them. They feel like a waste of time.” So I asked, “Describe that feeling.” Because I want him to feel it, to anchor that dissatisfaction deep into his bones. To make it part of who he is. He said, “It just feels like I’m not building anything that lasts. Like nothing is real.” And I told him, “You’re right. It’s not real. That’s the truth of it. Video games give you the illusion of adventure, of utility, of meaning, but none of it lasts. None of it’s real.” He said, “I should use my time for something more productive. I could make something. Do something.” I nodded. “Yes.” Then he said, “I feel kind of sad that I wasted so much time.” I said, “That sadness is normal. It’s the emptiness that comes from not producing anything. You’re becoming a man now, and men can’t feel fulfilled unless they’re building something real. Creating. Contributing. Producing value. That’s your soul calling out for purpose. Same as hunger or thirst.” "What do I do about it?" he asked. I told him, “Once you get back to painting, sculpting, writing, back to school, back to building your life, that emptiness will go away. You’ll feel useful again. You’ll feel alive again.” He thanked me for listening to him. And now he’s adjusting. No more games. Back to reality. Back to meaning. He is currently on the treadmill getting some exercise.

One of my twins (5 years old), Alex, has a habit, he likes to eat apples two at a time. One in each hand. He alternates bites, back and forth, like it is a coordinated performance. But I discourage it, because sometimes he does not finish them. Wasteful habit. This morning, I handed out apples. One for Henry, one for Alex. A minute later, I sit down, glance back, and there’s Alex, desperately trying to take Henry’s apple. Henry, completely unbothered, just smiles and resists. He’s lying on his back, using his feet to push Alex away, like they are doing slow-motion Brazilian jiu-jitsu. No anger, no panic, just calm resistance. But Alex is getting frustrated. I can see the moment coming, teeth and nails if I do not step in. So I get up, separate them, scoop Alex into my lap, help him regulate his emotions. I ask what’s going on, though I already know. He wants two apples. Not one. Two. He insists: “I need two!” I laugh. Hold him gently. He’s stormy, but softens quickly when held. Then, without drama, Henry finishes his apple, all the way to the core, and hands it to Alex. And Alex beams. He now has two apples. One fresh, one gnawed to the center. That’s all he needed. It’s funny, he does this often. Two apples. Or an apple and a banana. Or two bananas. Always food in each hand. Like symmetry makes it taste better.

When I first moved from Canada to Portugal, 25 years ago, I tried to be a gentleman. On the narrow beach boardwalks, if I saw elderly women coming the other way, I would step aside and give them space. Instead of gratitude, I heard them muttering in a tone that made it very clear they thought I was an idiot. After a few days, one of them finally stopped me and asked, “What are you doing?” I said, “I’m stepping aside so you can pass.” She shook her head. “No, no. This is a macho country. You are a man, you walk down the middle with your chest out and you take up space. Everyone else gets out of your way.” The next day I saw her again. This time, I walked straight down the middle. She did the same. Narrow boardwalk. Barely room for two. I did not stop. We collided. She landed on her backside in the sand, looked up at me, grinned, and said, “That’s right. That’s what you should be doing.” After that, she and her friends would always move aside when I came down the path. And they did it with approval. It was a shock to me. I grew up with British etiquette drilled into me by my great-grandmother, hold the door, offer your arm, walk properly, speak properly. Portugal had a completely different rule set. The real problem is not which rule set you live under. The problem is when there is no rule set at all. That is what we have now in North America, no clarity, no hierarchy, no reciprocity. If we want respect again, we must enforce our own rules and stick to them. Reciprocity always re-creates order, even if the start feels rough.

I'm at the gym. Look across the room. See dude looking at me and I think, "That dudes jacked." Move my arm. He moves his arm. I realize, that's me. I'm the jacked dude!

When you are in a relationship and something needs to be done, whether it is resolving a conflict or seizing an opportunity, and you have multiple paths forward, how do you decide which option to take? How do you determine what is good for both you and your wife? My position is simple: as a man, always choose the option that puts you in the role of decision-maker. Do not be passive. That is the posture of leadership. When you decide, you lead. And when you lead, you bear the greatest share of responsibility, and thus gain the greatest control over the outcome. Look at any situation and ask: Which path places the most responsibility on me? Then choose that one.

Almost every piece of self-help and especially relationship or marital advice can be twisted, abused, misused, and weaponized. This is not because the advice itself is false, but because crafty manipulators can take any healthy principle, isolate it from other principles, and twist it into something false and evil. This is why the wise process the advice they receive and the principles they discover through tests of truth in order to discover the healthy boundaries for applying that advice.

Many young men fear marriage. Not only because they think they might get divorced. But because they think they might be stuck in a miserable marriage that slowly drains the life out of them. This fear is more common among conservative Christian men. In those circles, divorce is rare. But zombie marriages are not. Here is how to think through it: Ask yourself this: Are you happy right now? If you are, then your standard for personal happiness is already met. All you must do is marry a woman who does not undermine that. That is a low bar. If you are in a healthy community where women are raised to value marriage, most of them will at least be neutral to your baseline happiness. A few will add to it and a great one will multiply it. But what if you are not happy now? Then marriage cannot save you from that emotional state. A woman might temporarily distract you, or bring you joy, but she cannot create happiness within you. If your baseline is misery, then adding another person only works if she lifts you out of it. Most good women will not attach themselves to a man drowning in his own dissatisfaction, because they do not want to correct or redirect a man's emotional energy. A good woman wants to reflect and amplify the light he already carries, not become the source of it. If you want to succeed in marriage, you must learn to stabilize your internal emotional state first. I use the word "happy" here for accessibility. But I do not believe men should pursue happiness directly. Happiness is for women and children. Men should pursue satisfaction. Happiness for women comes from primarily relationship quality, emotional resonance, and a sense of security or delight (fun). That is good. But it is not masculine. It is reflective. Men initiate. We derive satisfaction primarily from starting projects, progress, from risk, from doing something hard and doing it well. That satisfaction looks like happiness, but it is not the same. It is transient. It fades quickly, we get used to the new status quo and we seek something better. And it drives us to keep building. Everything good that humanity has done has come from mens restlessness and desire for satisfaction. If a woman is happy, she wants everything to stay the same. If a man is satisfied, he wants to do more. This is why men who pursue happiness often become stuck. They build a life that soothes them instead of one that tests and grows them. You can have moments of happiness with your wife and children. You can share in their joy. You can savor what you built. But your fuel is still satisfaction. Satisfaction from mission. From mastery. From legacy. Do not fear marriage. Fear being the man who no good woman would want to marry. Remember, women are making similar calculations about you. Do not be a sad sack. Learn to enjoy your live now by finding a worthy mission that gives you satisfaction. Do that first. Then you will see clearly which women will add to your life and which would subtract. And that is all you need to choose well.

Less YouTube and Video Games For Kids Most parents I speak with worry about how their kids spend their summer holidays. Too often, the default is endless video games, where nothing tangible remains at the end of the day. I wanted something better for my 12-year-old son. So I created what we now call his Summer Mission Plan. Here is how it works: - I designed a list of creative, exploratory, outdoor, and practical activities, each framed as a mission with a clear time block. These go into a binder for him to reference. - Every mission ends with proof of accomplishment, a photo, video, story, or artwork, which he emails to me. This creates a permanent archive of his summer, unlike video games where progress disappears. - Examples include: building unique LEGO creations and writing descriptions as if they were in a museum, turning hand-drawn sketches into professional digital art with AI prompts, making stop-motion films, running science experiments, documenting our hikes with photos and captions, writing letters to cousins, and even household chores reframed as heroic quests. Why do this? Because children need more than entertainment, they need purposeful activity that leaves a trail of memory and mastery. By the end of summer, my son will have not just stories, but a portfolio of his creations and contributions. He will also have practiced good digital habits, like saving his best AI prompts for future use. Other parents can adapt this easily. Think about your child’s tools and interests: LEGO, clay, paints, books, hikes, or a camera phone. Frame each activity as a mission, give it a time boundary, and make sure there is always a physical or digital record at the end. Then, require them to send it by email, this builds accountability and ensures the memories are preserved. Entertainment is easy. Accomplishment is lasting. If you want your child’s summer to mean something, give them missions that build both joy and legacy.

Cities are unnatural environments, and one of the clearest signs of this is how they destroy the natural polarity between men and women. In the city, men and women do the same things. They work the same kinds of jobs, live in identical apartments, wear similar clothing. The differences between a city man and a city woman are often minimal. And this blurring creates tension. The city woman asks, “Why do I need a man if I can do everything he does?” Now, of course, there is an army of blue-collar men keeping the city running, doing the kind of hard physical labor that almost no woman could or would do. But these men are invisible to most people until something breaks. Only then does anyone notice them. Step out of the city, though, and everything shifts. In the countryside, men and women have different but overlapping spheres. Some jobs are clearly for men. Some are clearly for women. Some could be shared. But the distinction is visible and felt. When a woman watches her husband doing hard physical labor on the land, she feels the truth: she needs him. Not just emotionally, but materially, physically. There are things she cannot do on her own. Without him, she would be in trouble. And that need breeds gratitude, respect, and love. When a man sees his wife tending to children, cooking, or doing the kind of slow, quiet work he finds tedious, he feels the same: she is doing what he cannot or will not. And his appreciation for her grows. This mutual need, this visible service to one another, builds a stronger bond. It is no surprise, then, that couples who live in rural areas have lower divorce rates and more children. Not just farmers, but anyone who lives outside the urban sprawl. The more natural the environment, the more natural, and lasting, the love.

Every young man should have a hard, dirty job in his late teens. Start at sixteen or seventeen during the summers. Shovel gravel. Haul lumber. Dig trenches. Stack crates in a warehouse or under a blazing sun. Work alongside other men. Get blisters. Get a tan. Bleed. Operate tools. Push through fatigue. Learn how to keep going when everything hurts. That kind of work recalibrates a young man. It teaches him how the world works. He learns how to manage risk. It humbles the ego. It strengthens the will. And when he later moves into more intellectual work, he’ll carry the weight of that discipline with him. He’ll be grounded in reality. He’ll respect the people who keep the world running. For blue-collar men, this work may become a permanent path. For others, it becomes part of their foundation. Either way, it builds the man. For women, the equivalent is care. Caring for children. Helping the elderly. Supporting a relative. Babysitting or assisting in a daycare. The act of nurturing life shapes them. It brings out their natural strength. It teaches patience, empathy, and the quiet endurance that holds families together. Both paths form the soul. One through hardship. One through love.

A Client Conversation on Anxiety and Purpose She said to me, "Noah, I feel anxious about finding a boyfriend and getting married. I really want it to happen, but it has not happened yet. When will that anxiety go away?" I replied, "It will go away when you get a boyfriend." She asked, "And then I will not be anxious anymore?" "No," I said, "then you will be anxious about when he will ask you to marry him." "And when I marry him, I will not be anxious anymore?" "No," I said, "then you will be anxious about when you will get pregnant and have your first child." "And then I will not be anxious anymore?" "No," I said, "then you will be anxious about the health and future of your child." She paused. "It sounds like I am going to be anxious for the rest of my life." "Yes," I said, "but that is not a curse. What is your anxiety moving you to do right now?" "It is moving me to take steps to find a boyfriend." "Exactly," I said. "It will also motivate you to move the relationship towards marriage, to care for your children with attention and concern, and to plan for their future. Instead of seeing anxiety as an enemy, see it as a motivator that pushes you to secure your future." I explained that there are crippling levels of anxiety, which we do not want, but that a low, steady level is healthy. It keeps you aware and prepared. Some people are motivated by conscience, others by curiosity (high openness). The most successful are motivated by a little of each, conscience, curiosity, and a healthy level of anxiety. I gave her a simple practice: "Every morning, pray to God and thank Him for the anxiety that motivates you to do what is good for yourself, to be careful in your decisions, and to prepare for a future you will enjoy." Anxiety is not your enemy. Anxiety is energy. Learn to direct it, and it will serve your will instead of trapping you.

This is how AI should be used in education. Yesterday, my son drew a picture in pencil. Today, we uploaded it into ChatGPT and asked it to generate an image based on his drawing. This is the result. It inspired him to keep drawing, and that is the point. Children improve at art by practicing, experimenting, and learning new techniques. But it needs to feel exciting. When their work is transformed into something vivid and alive, it motivates them to create more. Let AI be the tool that fuels imagination, not replaces it.

My wife found a post online that said there was a beautiful waterfall nearby, just a short 20-minute walk, it said. Easy trail, lovely views. So we packed up the kids, grabbed our towels, swimsuits, snacks, water bottles, and set out expecting a leisurely hike. It was not a leisurely hike. The “easy walk” turned out to be a steep climb up the side of a mountain, boulder to boulder in places, until we reached the top of the waterfall. This was real terrain. No easy paths. Just sharp rock, loose soil, and 100-foot drops. And we were doing it with three children: our 11-year-old and two five-year-old twins. But here is the part that impressed me most: Not one complaint. Not from the eleven-year-old. Not from the twins. They climbed. They pushed. They scrambled. They dangled their legs over cliffs with the confidence of mountain goats. And they did it all in the heat, with no whining, no hesitation, and no quitting. Of course, my wife and I were carrying the gear, extra clothes, food, water, swim stuff, plus giving a hand every time the twins needed a boost over a high ledge or a slippery rock. Sometimes I had to climb ahead, reach down, and haul them up one by one. My wife did the same. It was a real climb. Exhausting. But beautiful. When we reached the summit, we were rewarded with a cold, clear pool at the base of the waterfall. We laid down a mat, rested, swam, laughed, and soaked in the view. Worth every drop of sweat. Along the way, I noticed something that stuck with me: Alex, one of the twins, is a straight-line thinker. He wanted the most direct path, shortest route possible, regardless of what obstacle was in the way. Straight over boulders, under branches, through the middle, faster. Henry, his brother, was the strategist. “I’ll go here… then there… and from there, I can step across to that rock.” He mapped every move as if solving a puzzle, placing each foot with care. Same age. Same trail. Two completely different minds at work. And my oldest boy? I told him, “I can’t hold your hand. You have to manage your own safety. Stay focused. Watch where you step. Be careful.” And he did. He carried a big bag full of towels and gear, and never once lost his focus. That is the real lesson of the day. Children need real risk. Real terrain. Real adventure. They need to face uncertainty, danger, exhaustion, not recklessly, but with trust, instruction, and just enough safety net. Because this is how they learn to manage risk, read the environment, take responsibility, and overcome their own limits. We can protect our children from everything. Or we can teach them how to navigate life. This was one of those days where you do the harder thing, and everyone walks away stronger. And I would do it again in a heartbeat.

My wife belongs to me. She is my property. I belong to my wife. I am her property. My children belong to me. They are my property. I belong to my children. I am their property. We both belong to our ancestors. We are their property. We both belong to our descendants. We are their property. And so we live no longer for ourselves alone but for all that came before us and for all that will come forth from us. In a world where people are desperately searching for belonging, we already know where we belong. We know who our people are. We know what our obligations are. We know what our responsibilities are. We are not disconnected from what came before. And we are not severed from what will come forth through us. People today are miserable because they do not belong to each other. They do not belong together. They do not share ownership of one another, or of each other’s future. They do not invest in one another. They do not protect one another. Because they are not each other’s property. That is a miserable state of affairs. We, who know the proper function of family, We are not ashamed to belong. We are happy to be owned, Because we are owned in love, in duty, in covenant. And we own each other the same way.

Earlier this year, I had several weeks of chronic back pain, right under my shoulder blades, and I could not figure out why it kept coming back. Even after a deep massage, the pain would return. Nothing fully reset the area. Then I spoke with a friend who is a physiotherapist. She suggested something I had never considered: it might be my breathing. For whatever reason, I had slipped into bad breathing habits. I was no longer fully expanding my lungs, and that meant the muscles under my shoulder blades were not getting stretched with each breath. They were tensing up, locked in place. I was also beginning to experience a bit of diastasis recti after recovering from a hernia. Once again, the culprit seemed to be my breathing,specifically, the fact that I was not exhaling completely. I was only working with the middle third of my lung capacity, never fully emptying or filling my lungs. I was also beginning to experience a bit of diastasis recti after recovering from a hernia. Once again, the culprit seemed to be my breathing,specifically, the fact that I was not exhaling completely. I was living in the middle third of my lung capacity, never fully emptying or filling my lungs. Whenever I sprinted or did intense cardio, the pain would ease, but I assumed it was because of warmed-up muscles. In truth, it was the breathing that helped. Deep, natural, forced breathing. Since then, I have been consciously retraining myself to breathe deeper and exhale more fully. It takes a little time for the effects to become automatic again, but it works. Posture improves. Pain fades. Energy returns. Bad breathing sabotages posture, energy, and muscular function. Fixing it changed everything.